LOVE BEGINS AT 40
You surely don’t want to end up looking and feeling unattractive,
especially when you want a stable relationship with a woman. It is
profoundly significant to know what is it exactly that a woman notices
in a man when she is meeting him for the first time. Of course, the
first impression may not necessarily be the last one; however, it is
imperative to distinguish yourself from other men when the moment of
truth arrives.
Let’s find out more about the 5 most relevant elements that a woman inevitably notices in a man at her first sight.
1. How tall are you?
Regardless of how tall or short you are, any woman will definitely
notice your height in her first glance. Women have different preferences
when it comes to admiring heights of men, but it sure is a highly
conspicuous element in a man. Make sure that you are comfortable with
your own height and that you carry your height appropriately.
2. Do you smell good?
This is perhaps the most common noticeable element in a man – smell of a
man. Of course, how do you smell is important to a woman, but you
shouldn’t douse yourself in perfumes and deodorants incorrigibly. Women
will notice a mild and pleasant smell coming from your body, but they
will feel overwhelmed if you drain yourself entirely in those
fragrances.
3. How do you score your hygiene levels?
You will come across many women who will notice your personal hygiene
levels on many occasions especially on the first meet. Keep in mind that
your nails won’t go unnoticed in the first meeting and neither will
those ugly sweat patches. In addition to that, your feet too shouldn’t
smell nasty because that too gets noticed.
You should maintain a healthy personal hygiene, not only since the
bad physical traits will be noticed, but also since it will act too
detrimental for your own self-image. So, make sure that your personal
hygiene is never compromised.
4. Do you dress well?
It is impeccably important to dress well even for a man since it still
is the most significant element that a woman notices in a man. If you
think the kind of clothes you wear don’t matter, think again. A lady
would always fancy a gentleman who knows what to wear and how to wear.
Always remember to pay attention to what colors and styles of clothes
suit you, and dress accordingly. Your clothes will never go unnoticed.
5. Are you a confident being?
If not then you are in some trouble with the ladies. Out of all the
elements, a woman is more likely to notice the confidence levels of a
man than anything else, and your confidence will be seen in the way you
walk, talk, express and so on. These are all things that a woman will
notice in a man at the first sight. Learn to build your confidence as it
will not get unnoticed ever.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
Mature Dating
Are you cynical when it comes to finding a love that lasts? Do you think
that you will never find a love and that your soul mate does not even
exist? Does your cynical attitude permeate every area of your life? Do
you believe that you can have true love and exist in a mature dating
relationship? Love does indeed exist, even if you do not believe that
it does. Many people do experience that love and if you are too cynical
to think that true love can exist for you, just take a step back and try
to put aside your cynicism and be open minded to see if true love could
really exist for you. So many times people find true love when they are
not even looking for it. Sometimes when you are looking too hard for
something, you miss what you are actually looking for.
What
is the best dating method towards having success in your mature dating
journey as you are on the road to finding out if love really does exist?
For starters you need to have an open mind and listen to others who
have experienced those lasting relationships. Not only is true love
possible, but it is real; however, if you want to experience that love
in your mature dating relationships
and then in those long-term commitment relationships, you need to
realize that true love does require hard work to maintain that spark and
keep the chemistry going. True love is possible if you are open to
find it. How can you find this person? You start by not looking too hard
to find that love. You first need to change your perspective to start
to entertain the idea that true love can and does exist. If you want to
find a love in a mature dating relationship, you need to figure out why
you are so cynical. Have you always been cynical? Did something happen
in your past, such as your parents getting divorced or a broken
relationship that you had,which caused you to become cynical. Maybe you
weren't always cynical, but your past experience created that cynicism.
How can you overcome this cynicism and move forward towards finding out
the truth.
Mature Dating
One way that you may start to believe that love exists is to actually
experience that mature dating relationship. Until you actually
experience that relationship, you may not believe in love; however, you
need to take a step of faith and try to get more information on whether
or not love does exist. In your circle of friends and family, there
must be some couple that you know who has found that true love and has a
great and loving relationship. If you do know some couple with such a
love, whether in a mature dating or long-term relationship, talk to this
couple. Find out how they met and if the spark that was there in the
beginning still exists? Ask this couple how they have kept their mature
dating and mature long-term relationship going. True love does exist and
hopefully you will find a love sometime in the near future.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
When a woman has been hurt deeply she sometimes develops a strong, tough, or negative attitude
about relationships and trust in general. If she stays single for a
long time, she may tend to believe that she can only rely on herself to
the exclusion of all others. She can go so far overboard protecting her
feelings that she denies a natural feminine instinct to ‘need a man’.
She decides that she can take care of herself completely, while
rejecting her need for support, male companionship, and even love.
When we examine the primary love needs for a woman, we find that
caring, understanding, and respect typically rate the highest. A woman
wants to feel special. She is most motivated in love when she is
experiencing being cherished.
A man’s primary love needs are acceptance, appreciation, and trust.
That is, trust that he can get the job done. Remember, a man defines his
sense of self through his ability to achieve results in the world, and
this includes in his loving relationships. His primary motivator is
making his partner happy by doing for her. He needs to feel needed. As
he matures in life, he wants to make a difference in the life of his
partner and a family. If the message she is putting out is that that she
is strong and doesn’t need anyone or anything, she will not attract the
love of a man. This unspoken attitude or these unexpressed words will
be loud, clear and powerful. The body language
is universal. It is receptive feelings that are naturally attractive
to men. He will feel her need, or lack thereof, and be attracted or not. If this woman allows herself to feel her need for love again, she then feels the pain of her unresolved issues.
The bottom line is that she must find some way to address the past,
or it will continue to follow her into the present and the future. The
more self-sufficient she becomes, the more she needs a hug at the end of
the day, but the less she realizes it. Asking for any kind of help, especially emotional help, feels like a
weakness for some women. Whether she seeks assistance from a therapist,
or from resources like self-help materials, she tends to stay stuck in
negativity. She must break the pattern and heal her painful unresolved
hurts.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
If women no longer need men to support them financially or to protect
them from danger, what do they need a man for? The answer, plain and
simple, is emotional support. In order for this woman to move to a
healthier position of accepting love into her life, she has inner work
to do. Because she has historically found her strength in believing
that she doesn’t need anything from anyone (especially a man), she must
discover where in childhood her trust was compromised and she did not
get her needs met. Her job is to figure out the links to the past, and
heal them.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
Have you ever found yourself in this situation? You started dating
a good guy who is full of integrity, charming, funny and considerate.
The lines of communication seem to be wide open and you feel connected.
You start to imagine life together with him on a daily basis and ponder
over fantasies of how he may propose and where the wedding will be, the
dress, the guests, the honeymoon. In your mind you have already married
him and are living happily ever after. In reality he has never even
once discussed marriage with you.
Then, the unthinkable takes place! This Man of Your Dreams
tells you he isn't ready for a relationship. You are crushed.
You feel rejected, angry, hurt and now he has become the enemy. In
your mind he is insensitive and has led you on when really, he was just
being truthful. Because women tend to be agents of change, they enjoy the idea of
moving things along to the next level. This often includes
relationships. The snag in all of this is that by focusing on the next
level one misses out on the present moment that is to be relished. Why
not enjoy the relationship for what it is today? Why not take pleasure
in the journey of friendship and see where it takes you?
Marriage should not be required as the next level ever. When we focus on marriage
as the ultimate goal, it almost seems like we are searching for anyone
who would fit the bill to be placed in that role. And what we should be
looking for is an honest man who is willing to walk through the seasons
of friendship and
develop a relationship without being so concerned over where it is
headed. It is possible to enjoy the journey without making requirements
for the future. If you realize that this has been a pattern for you, making the choice for change is the first step.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
Recognize your thoughts when they start down that familiar path and
remind yourself that commitment does not always end in marriage and
marriage does not assure you of happiness.
Embracing who you are, strengthening the qualities you possess and
polishing any areas of weakness will not only enhance your ability to
delight in the voyage of exploration but will cause you to be
irresistible for when the right guy does come along. Determine that you
will not be so focused on rushing the results but appreciate the
unfolding of the adventure.
Here is a top 10 list of ways to make the most of your new life. Let the healing begin!
1) Feel It!
After my divorce, I
was, let’s face it, a wreck. I didn’t want to do anything, see anyone
or be anywhere. I just wanted to wallow. My emotional state was so off
kilter that I actually began having allergic reactions to food that I
once loved! It was a dark time for me, to say the least. Yet, the mind
needs to feel these things if it is going to move on to the next stage.
Looking back, I realize that all of these negative emotions, and I felt
every one, were part of the process that helped me grow. Sometimes, we
feel guilty about all the negative things we feel. Society tells us that
we should never be unhappy. But that’s ridiculous. We need to feel all
the emotions, good and bad, to be whole.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
2) Don’t Go Overboard!
You don’t want those feelings to consume you. You can get into trouble
if you allow all of the negative emotions you are experiencing become
the driving force in your life. Guilt, remorse, sadness, and anxiety-
they all come with a sense of helplessness. The longer you spend just
wallowing, the more that sense of helplessness will overcome you. You
are not helpless. I wasn’t. It was the realization that I was in control
of my own destiny that put me on track to the happiness I feel now.
3) Surround Yourself with Good People!
You can’t heal alone. That’s just not the way it works. You are going to
need the help and support of others. Humans are social creatures. We
rely on each other for help and support. That’s just the way our brains
are built. Find positive people in your life. It can be family,
friends, coworkers- whoever. Find the people in your life who do not
make you feel ashamed for needing help, advice or just a shoulder to cry
on. They can be invaluable. But make sure that the person you choose is
a positive influence. We all know the people in our lives who can be
counted on, and the ones who can’t. Don’t be so desperate for that help
that you turn to someone who might make things worse. You need the
positive forces, not the negative.
4) Talk It Out!
I’m going to say it- therapy didn’t work for me in this instance. It
just wasn’t what I needed at the time. That isn’t to say that it can’t
work for you. Professional counselors deal with issues of hurt and
heartache every day. Many people find them valuable precisely because
they are not people you have a personal bond with. You are paying them;
they are trained professionals. That means that you have the opportunity
to seek advice from someone with the tools and training to offer great
help. And, you get the opportunity to share everything you’re thinking,
and saying, without fear of being judged. Again, everyone needs the
support of others in life.
5) Do Your Homework!
Go on Amazon some afternoon, and look up self-help books.
You may be surprised to find out how much is available. So many
resources. Type in “getting over heartbreak” in Google. Enjoy all the
reading you will have in front of you for the next week, or year
depending on how ambitious you are. There are so many resources
available to you if you look for them. Some will be helpful, some not so
much. Some you will keep by your bed for the rest of your life, some
you will get rid of immediately. What these resources can provide are
twofold. First, they are filled with helpful tips and ideas that can
help you tremendously. Often, these are ideas that you would not have
thought of on your own, no matter how much time you had. The other thing
they provide is perspective. You can’t search through these resources
without realizing that plenty of people have been through this before,
and plenty of them have come out the other side.
6) Work On Your Body!
Ask any professional, and they will tell you: there is a very clear
connection between the body and the mind. A healthy body contributes
greatly to a healthy mind. How do you get a healthy body? Well, start by
eating healthy. Foods that are rich in nutrients and low in sugars and
unhealthy fats work to ensure that your body is performing at maximum
efficiency. It will help your mind to be clearer, stronger and faster.
Hit the gym, or take a walk- do whatever kind of exercise that works for you. When we exercise,
our bodies release a whole host of chemicals that improve mood. When I
was ready to begin my journey back, I started going to the gym with a
coworker. I can’t overstate how important it was to getting back on a
better track. The added benefit is that you will start to look better.
Coming off of heartbreak, it is easy to start really doubting yourself.
There is nothing better for that than being able to look in the mirror
and see all the results of your hard work.
7) Work On Your Mind!
As I mentioned before, therapy was not the way for me to go. However, I
am not sorry that I went. It was part of my journey to recovery. Thomas
Edison once said that he never failed, he just found 10,000 ways that
didn’t work. That is a critical mindset for anyone. Learning that
therapy didn’t work, helped me continue on my search for what did.
Finally, what I discovered was Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). This
is a method of using a form of self-administered acupressure to relieve anxiety or depression.
You can read more about it in my book, as well as check it out for
yourself, I cannot tell you how much of a lifesaver it was for me. The
point, though, isn’t to sell you on EFT, it’s to get you to understand
that the mind needs to be exercised just like the body. Try everything
and anything that seems as though it will help put you in a stronger
mindset. Take a class, try meditation,
do whatever you can find, until you find that technique that works best
for you. Just like Thomas Edison, it can take trying plenty of things
that don’t work to reach the thing that does. But, when you find it, you
will not regret a moment of the time you spent.
8) Try New Things!
Part of the negative feelings that come from heartache, is the sense
that you are losing a part of your life. If you were like me, you
dedicated a good deal of yourself to the relationship that you were in.
Now that it has ended, you have no idea what to do with that part of
yourself. But, you need to reevaluate that mindset. Stop thinking of it
as an ending, think of it as a beginning. This is your opportunity to
take all that energy and reapply it to something else, possibly
something better. Take this time to discover parts of yourself you have
never explored before. Take a class, try something you’ve always been
curious about. Learn a skill. There are any number of ways to fill that
part of you that you fear will never be filled again. This will give you
the chance to become the best you that you can be. It also gives you
the chance to meet new people who share common interests. You are
starting a new chapter in your life, rather than dwell on the negative,
start it in a positive way.
9) Learn from Your Mistakes!
Chances are, you’ve spent some quality time cataloguing your mistakes
when it comes to your previous relationship. Were you too closed off?
Were you too needy? Did you fail to communicate enough? Did you say
everything that came to mind? You have a whole list of “coulda, woulda,
shouda’s” somewhere in the back of your mind that keep turning over and
over again. As much as we hate regret, it serves an extremely useful
purpose. It provides us with the opportunity to grow and change. Instead
of seeing all those things you feel you could have done better as
negatives, make decisions, concrete decisions, on how you can work to
improve how you function in a relationship. That way, when you enter
into your next one, and I promise you will, maybe you won’t make all of
the same mistakes. Life is a learning
experience, no one gets it 100% right 100% of the time- and think about
how dull it would be if they did. What matters is not whether you make
mistakes, but what you do once you have.
10) Get Back Out There!
I’m not suggesting you do it right away. You need time to heal and grow
before you put yourself back in the scene. However, the last thing you
want to do is give up on the possibility of love. There is a world of
possibility out there, when you are ready for it. By the way, when I say
ready, I don’t mean 100% ready, because no one ever is 100% ready. Only
you can know that threshold you need to cross before you can consider
trying things out again. However, when you get there, you will find that
there is no better cure for a broken heart than the feeling that comes
with mending it again. You will encounter bumps along the way. For a
detailed catalogue of just how many bumps you may find and ways to deal
with them, check out my book, “Outsmart Your Broken Heart. Dating Online
and Offline: A New Beginning.” http://amzn.to/1V8F09k
I can promise you, there is no such thing as smooth sailing. However,
when the time comes to get out there, you will find the sea is sweet
indeed.
It’s easy for some of the smartest people to lose all sight of common
sense when they're being reeled in by a catfish: an online imposter who
tries to win your sympathy — and your love — by creating an elaborate
scheme. Award-winning technology reporter Kurt Knutsson, known around
the country as Kurt the CyberGuy, shares his top ten reality checks to
see if you’re being baited by a catfish.
If you identify with at least two of the below scenarios, Knutsson says you could be falling prey to a scam artist.
1. Dumb Date Data
Physical descriptions need to be proportional. For example, someone
who is 6-feet tall usually does not weigh 90 lbs. Look for any other
descriptions that don’t add up to the profile photo.
Tip: Ask them to take a photo holding a unique phrase or
their own name on it and send it to you. Ask to have a live video talk
using Skype or Facetime. Most of today’s smartphones, tablets and
laptops come equipped with a built-in camera and/or video. Someone
reluctant to speak on live video, claiming shyness or that they can’t
find a camera, should be a red flag.
2. Profile Picture Test
Professional photos are a red flag. Look for amateur photos — and more than one.
Tip: Use a Google Goggles
search on your phone to see if the photo they’ve shared with you can be
spotted elsewhere online. If you see it shown with a watermark or in
other settings like modeling websites, it’s likely a fake.
3. Become a Photo Detective
“This just takes it to the next level,” Knutsson says.
Look for detail in photos — wedding rings, locations, activities, time
of day, how they are dressed — to see if it matches. Someone claiming
that a photo is from a July 4th fireworks party, who is dressed in a fur
coat, in daylight, might be a dead giveaway that someone is lying.
4. Cut and Paste Profile Alert
Introductory letters on dating websites are often copied by
catfish scammers. See if the same information appears in other places or
has been copied from someone else by searching for it online.
Out-of-country scams often slip up here, revealing inconsistent
information such as landmarks and cultural events that don’t add up. For
example, someone claiming to be from St. Louis who isn’t familiar with
the iconic Gateway Arch when questioned is likely a liar.
5. Spelling and Grammar Fail
Hear the words when you read their writing, and check their
spelling and grammar. A line that sounds like it could be from someone
in a far-off country but portraying themselves to be in your same city
will usually have a local dialect misfire.
6. Derailing You from the Dating Site
Red flags should be raised if, right off the bat, they want to
get you to instant message or email, taking you off of the dating site
where you originally met.
Tip: Always create and use a unique email address that is
different than your personal and professional addresses when setting up
a dating website profile.
7. Too Serious, Too Soon
Watch out for someone rushing
things. A catfish usually makes the first move, often out of left field
and sometimes creates a bogus, dreamy profile that sounds like the
ideal mate you’ve described in your
own dating desires. They play on your sympathy and strike when you are
the most vulnerable — caught up in the romance and emotional.
8. Ask a Lot of Questions
Inquire about where they are
from, and verify landmarks and spellings of cities online. Blatant
errors could mean it’s a scam. Catfishers like to ask you a lot of
questions, but seldom let you go deep into their lives, coming up with
excuses about why they are reluctant to offer more personal information
about themselves. For example, they might say, “I’ve been hurt before by
telling too much too soon,” which actually turns the tables on you to
prove that you can be trusted — Red flag!
9. You Are Not an ATM Machine
If they ask for money, lock them out of your life. Shut off
communication immediately, and close all open doors if you have a hint
that it is a sympathy scam. Although most catfishers are not after
money, this one should be a wake-up call to a scam.
10. Facebook Fakers
At this point, if someone has no Facebook page, but they are sophisticated enough to create an online dating profile, be warned.
Also look out for potential fake Facebook pages.
Signs of a fake
Facebook profile can include the fact that the Facebook page was started
near the same time that a dating profile elsewhere was established, if
few photos are posted, or if there are no people tagged in their photos
to show a connection in a relationship.
If they are on Twitter, read through historic tweets to see if the story
they tell matches up to the same the person you are prospectively
dating. Like Facebook, Twitter accounts created around the
same time as dating profiles should be treated with caution.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
People all around us love to maintain their relationships in its
most healthy manner, and they used to follow various tips and
techniques to manage it in a perfect way. There are various factors
which play their crucial role in determining the success of any
relationship, and one such delicate thing is nothing other than 'trust'.
'Trust' is undoubtedly a magical term in the relationship arena, and
even a small fall will lead to huge negative impacts. Staying
trustworthy demands some quality, and it should be the right blend of
honesty, integrity and justice. But in some unfortunate moments, you and
me may violate all the rules, and will behave as if we are infidel
and non ethical in all aspects. If your partner comes to know your infidelity,
then it will surely break the long time trust which you have build over
years. Rebuilding trust after betrayal is undoubtedly difficult, and it
will surely make you fall in knees. There are various effective tips
you can follow to regain trust in the mind of your partner, and some of
the most noted ones are mentioned below.
Admit your error: This is the first and foremost thing you should do
if you want to regain your lost trust. You should admit that infidel
action you have committed and don't ever try to downplay your errors.
Defending with lame excuses will create more wounds in the minds of your
partner, and it will drastically increase the hate element in them.
Instead of making excuses for your action, you should boldly accept it,
and should give an assurance that it will never ever happen again.
Show your regret: Sometimes, you will be regretting the action
which caused the loss of trust in the minds of your partner. You should
try to show this regret, and this will help your partner to know
that you are remorseful. If you are keeping everything in your mind,
then it will not create any positive impacts, and in some cases, this
maintenance of silence will worsen the relationship status. If you
remorsful in your action, then the doubt in your partner's mind will be
cleared, and in the course of time, he / she will start accepting you
for the genuineness you showed.
Express your helplessness: Your partner is also human, and they too have a mind to understand and realize things. You should tell them frankly about your problems, and in some cases, this will bring
wonders. Talk openly even if you have sexual addiction
issues. If your partner wants you back on track, then they will surely
help you to overcome these issues. You may sometimes require a counseling
session or it could even be sexual addiction meetings.
Give genuine promises: What happened has happened, and it is literally not
possible for a human being to retract his deeds. You should tell this
openly to your partner, and should assure them that the same error will
not happen ever in their lifetime. You should renew all your vows, and
should set a mind which is clear and divine in nature. You should show
100% loyalty to your partner, and this will surely create a positive
impact in their mind in the long run.
Also, you should be open about your needs to the partner, and if you are in
need of wild sexual encounters, then tell her directly, and you may be surprised. She may be also wishing the same experience.
Make some more time for your partner: This is another noted tip which you
should strictly follow to regain the lost trust. Sometimes, your partner
might be so sensitive, and this mindset will be preventing them to
forgive your action. In these times, you should give some time for your
partner to cope with the situation. You should try to understand their
minds, and should be empathetic towards the pain caused due to your
action. Always remember, "Time sometimes heals even the deadly wounds".
All the tips mentioned above are highly effective, and may help you to regain the lost trust and fidelity in a relationship.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
