Woman Notice These 5 Things About Men At First Sight

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

You surely don’t want to end up looking and feeling unattractive, especially when you want a stable relationship with a woman. It is profoundly significant to know what is it exactly that a woman notices in a man when she is meeting him for the first time. Of course, the first impression may not necessarily be the last one; however, it is imperative to distinguish yourself from other men when the moment of truth arrives.
Let’s find out more about the 5 most relevant elements that a woman inevitably notices in a man at her first sight.

1. How tall are you?
Regardless of how tall or short you are, any woman will definitely notice your height in her first glance. Women have different preferences when it comes to admiring heights of men, but it sure is a highly conspicuous element in a man. Make sure that you are comfortable with your own height and that you carry your height appropriately.

2. Do you smell good?
This is perhaps the most common noticeable element in a man – smell of a man. Of course, how do you smell is important to a woman, but you shouldn’t douse yourself in perfumes and deodorants incorrigibly. Women will notice a mild and pleasant smell coming from your body, but they will feel overwhelmed if you drain yourself entirely in those fragrances.

3. How do you score your hygiene levels?
You will come across many women who will notice your personal hygiene levels on many occasions especially on the first meet. Keep in mind that your nails won’t go unnoticed in the first meeting and neither will those ugly sweat patches. In addition to that, your feet too shouldn’t smell nasty because that too gets noticed.
You should maintain a healthy personal hygiene, not only since the bad physical traits will be noticed, but also since it will act too detrimental for your own self-image. So, make sure that your personal hygiene is never compromised.

4. Do you dress well?
It is impeccably important to dress well even for a man since it still is the most significant element that a woman notices in a man. If you think the kind of clothes you wear don’t matter, think again. A lady would always fancy a gentleman who knows what to wear and how to wear. Always remember to pay attention to what colors and styles of clothes suit you, and dress accordingly. Your clothes will never go unnoticed.

5. Are you a confident being?
If not then you are in some trouble with the ladies. Out of all the elements, a woman is more likely to notice the confidence levels of a man than anything else, and your confidence will be seen in the way you walk, talk, express and so on. These are all things that a woman will notice in a man at the first sight. Learn to build your confidence as it will not get unnoticed ever.

 LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Do You Believe In True Love When Embarking on Mature Dating?

Mature Dating
Are you cynical when it comes to finding a love that lasts? Do you think that you will never find a love and that your soul mate does not even exist? Does your cynical attitude permeate every area of your life? Do you believe that you can have true love and exist in a mature dating relationship?  Love does indeed exist, even if you do not believe that it does. Many people do experience that love and if you are too cynical to think that true love can exist for you, just take a step back and try to put aside your cynicism and be open minded to see if true love could really exist for you. So many times people find true love when they are not even looking for it. Sometimes when you are looking too hard for something, you miss what you are actually looking for.

What is the best dating method towards having success in your mature dating journey as you are on the road to finding out if love really does exist? For starters you need to have an open mind and listen to others who have experienced those lasting relationships. Not only is true love possible, but it is real; however, if you want to experience that love in your mature dating relationships and then in those long-term commitment relationships, you need to realize that true love does require hard work to maintain that spark and keep the chemistry going.  True love is possible if you are open to find it. How can you find this person? You start by not looking too hard to find that love. You first need to change your perspective to start to entertain the idea that true love can and does exist. If you want to find a love in a mature dating relationship, you need to figure out why you are so cynical. Have you always been cynical? Did something happen in your past, such as your parents getting divorced or a broken relationship that you had,which caused you to become cynical.  Maybe you weren't always cynical, but your past experience created that cynicism. How can you overcome this cynicism and move forward towards finding out the truth.

Mature Dating

One way that you may start to believe that love exists is to actually experience that mature dating relationship. Until you actually experience that relationship, you may not believe in love; however, you need to take a step of faith and try to get more information on whether or not love does exist.  In your circle of friends and family, there must be some couple that you know who has found that true love and has a great and loving relationship. If you do know some couple with such a love, whether in a mature dating or long-term relationship, talk to this couple. Find out how they met and if the spark that was there in the beginning still exists? Ask this couple how they have kept their mature dating and mature long-term relationship going. True love does exist and hopefully you will find a love sometime in the near future.

I Don't Need a Man . . .

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

When a woman has been hurt deeply she sometimes develops a strong, tough, or negative attitude about relationships and trust in general. If she stays single for a long time, she may tend to believe that she can only rely on herself to the exclusion of all others. She can go so far overboard protecting her feelings that she denies a natural feminine instinct to ‘need a man’. She decides that she can take care of herself completely, while rejecting her need for support, male companionship, and even love.

When we examine the primary love needs for a woman, we find that caring, understanding, and respect typically rate the highest. A woman wants to feel special. She is most motivated in love when she is experiencing being cherished.

A man’s primary love needs are acceptance, appreciation, and trust. That is, trust that he can get the job done. Remember, a man defines his sense of self through his ability to achieve results in the world, and this includes in his loving relationships. His primary motivator is making his partner happy by doing for her. He needs to feel needed. As he matures in life, he wants to make a difference in the life of his partner and a family. If the message she is putting out is that that she is strong and doesn’t need anyone or anything, she will not attract the love of a man. This unspoken attitude or these unexpressed words will be loud, clear and powerful. The body language is universal. It is receptive feelings that are naturally attractive to men. He will feel her need, or lack thereof, and be attracted or not.  If this woman allows herself to feel her need for love again, she then feels the pain of her unresolved issues.

The bottom line is that she must find some way to address the past, or it will continue to follow her into the present and the future. The more self-sufficient she becomes, the more she needs a hug at the end of the day, but the less she realizes it.  Asking for any kind of help, especially emotional help, feels like a weakness for some women. Whether she seeks assistance from a therapist, or from resources like self-help materials, she tends to stay stuck in negativity. She must break the pattern and heal her painful unresolved hurts. 

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

If women no longer need men to support them financially or to protect them from danger, what do they need a man for? The answer, plain and simple, is emotional support. In order for this woman to move to a healthier position of accepting love into her life, she has inner work to do. Because she has historically found her strength in believing that she doesn’t need anything from anyone (especially a man), she must discover where in childhood her trust was compromised and she did not get her needs met. Her job is to figure out the links to the past, and heal them.

Are You Rushing the Relationship ?

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Have you ever found yourself in this situation? You started dating a good guy who is full of integrity, charming, funny and considerate. The lines of communication seem to be wide open and you feel connected. You start to imagine life together with him on a daily basis and ponder over fantasies of how he may propose and where the wedding will be, the dress, the guests, the honeymoon. In your mind you have already married him and are living happily ever after. In reality he has never even once discussed marriage with you.

Then, the unthinkable takes place! This Man of Your Dreams tells you he isn't ready for a relationship. You are crushed. You feel rejected, angry, hurt and now he has become the enemy. In your mind he is insensitive and has led you on when really, he was just being truthful. Because women tend to be agents of change, they enjoy the idea of moving things along to the next level. This often includes relationships. The snag in all of this is that by focusing on the next level one misses out on the present moment that is to be relished. Why not enjoy the relationship for what it is today? Why not take pleasure in the journey of friendship and see where it takes you?

Marriage should not be required as the next level ever.  When we focus on marriage as the ultimate goal, it almost seems like we are searching for anyone who would fit the bill to be placed in that role. And what we should be looking for is an honest man who is willing to walk through the seasons of friendship and develop a relationship without being so concerned over where it is headed. It is possible to enjoy the journey without making requirements for the future. If you realize that this has been a pattern for you, making the choice for change is the first step.


LOVE BEGINS AT 40
 
Recognize your thoughts when they start down that familiar path and remind yourself that commitment does not always end in marriage and marriage does not assure you of happiness. Embracing who you are, strengthening the qualities you possess and polishing any areas of weakness will not only enhance your ability to delight in the voyage of exploration but will cause you to be irresistible for when the right guy does come along. Determine that you will not be so focused on rushing the results but appreciate the unfolding of the adventure.
 

Healing After Divorce

Here is a top 10 list of ways to make the most of your new life. Let the healing begin! 

1) Feel It!
After my divorce, I was, let’s face it, a wreck. I didn’t want to do anything, see anyone or be anywhere. I just wanted to wallow. My emotional state was so off kilter that I actually began having allergic reactions to food that I once loved! It was a dark time for me, to say the least. Yet, the mind needs to feel these things if it is going to move on to the next stage. Looking back, I realize that all of these negative emotions, and I felt every one, were part of the process that helped me grow. Sometimes, we feel guilty about all the negative things we feel. Society tells us that we should never be unhappy. But that’s ridiculous. We need to feel all the emotions, good and bad, to be whole.

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

 2) Don’t Go Overboard!
You don’t want those feelings to consume you. You can get into trouble if you allow all of the negative emotions you are experiencing become the driving force in your life. Guilt, remorse, sadness, and anxiety- they all come with a sense of helplessness. The longer you spend just wallowing, the more that sense of helplessness will overcome you. You are not helpless. I wasn’t. It was the realization that I was in control of my own destiny that put me on track to the happiness I feel now.

3) Surround Yourself with Good People!
You can’t heal alone. That’s just not the way it works. You are going to need the help and support of others. Humans are social creatures. We rely on each other for help and support. That’s just the way our brains are built. Find positive people in your life. It can be family, friends, coworkers- whoever. Find the people in your life who do not make you feel ashamed for needing help, advice or just a shoulder to cry on. They can be invaluable. But make sure that the person you choose is a positive influence. We all know the people in our lives who can be counted on, and the ones who can’t. Don’t be so desperate for that help that you turn to someone who might make things worse. You need the positive forces, not the negative.

4) Talk It Out!
I’m going to say it- therapy didn’t work for me in this instance. It just wasn’t what I needed at the time. That isn’t to say that it can’t work for you. Professional counselors deal with issues of hurt and heartache every day. Many people find them valuable precisely because they are not people you have a personal bond with. You are paying them; they are trained professionals. That means that you have the opportunity to seek advice from someone with the tools and training to offer great help. And, you get the opportunity to share everything you’re thinking, and saying, without fear of being judged. Again, everyone needs the support of others in life. 

5) Do Your Homework!
Go on Amazon some afternoon, and look up self-help books. You may be surprised to find out how much is available. So many resources. Type in “getting over heartbreak” in Google. Enjoy all the reading you will have in front of you for the next week, or year depending on how ambitious you are. There are so many resources available to you if you look for them. Some will be helpful, some not so much. Some you will keep by your bed for the rest of your life, some you will get rid of immediately. What these resources can provide are twofold. First, they are filled with helpful tips and ideas that can help you tremendously. Often, these are ideas that you would not have thought of on your own, no matter how much time you had. The other thing they provide is perspective. You can’t search through these resources without realizing that plenty of people have been through this before, and plenty of them have come out the other side.

6) Work On Your Body!
Ask any professional, and they will tell you: there is a very clear connection between the body and the mind. A healthy body contributes greatly to a healthy mind. How do you get a healthy body? Well, start by eating healthy. Foods that are rich in nutrients and low in sugars and unhealthy fats work to ensure that your body is performing at maximum efficiency. It will help your mind to be clearer, stronger and faster. Hit the gym, or take a walk- do whatever kind of exercise that works for you. When we exercise, our bodies release a whole host of chemicals that improve mood. When I was ready to begin my journey back, I started going to the gym with a coworker. I can’t overstate how important it was to getting back on a better track. The added benefit is that you will start to look better. Coming off of heartbreak, it is easy to start really doubting yourself. There is nothing better for that than being able to look in the mirror and see all the results of your hard work.

7) Work On Your Mind!
As I mentioned before, therapy was not the way for me to go. However, I am not sorry that I went. It was part of my journey to recovery. Thomas Edison once said that he never failed, he just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work. That is a critical mindset for anyone. Learning that therapy didn’t work, helped me continue on my search for what did. Finally, what I discovered was Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). This is a method of using a form of self-administered acupressure to relieve anxiety or depression. You can read more about it in my book, as well as check it out for yourself, I cannot tell you how much of a lifesaver it was for me. The point, though, isn’t to sell you on EFT, it’s to get you to understand that the mind needs to be exercised just like the body. Try everything and anything that seems as though it will help put you in a stronger mindset. Take a class, try meditation, do whatever you can find, until you find that technique that works best for you. Just like Thomas Edison, it can take trying plenty of things that don’t work to reach the thing that does. But, when you find it, you will not regret a moment of the time you spent.

8) Try New Things!
Part of the negative feelings that come from heartache, is the sense that you are losing a part of your life. If you were like me, you dedicated a good deal of yourself to the relationship that you were in. Now that it has ended, you have no idea what to do with that part of yourself. But, you need to reevaluate that mindset. Stop thinking of it as an ending, think of it as a beginning. This is your opportunity to take all that energy and reapply it to something else, possibly something better. Take this time to discover parts of yourself you have never explored before. Take a class, try something you’ve always been curious about. Learn a skill. There are any number of ways to fill that part of you that you fear will never be filled again. This will give you the chance to become the best you that you can be. It also gives you the chance to meet new people who share common interests. You are starting a new chapter in your life, rather than dwell on the negative, start it in a positive way.

9) Learn from Your Mistakes!
Chances are, you’ve spent some quality time cataloguing your mistakes when it comes to your previous relationship. Were you too closed off? Were you too needy? Did you fail to communicate enough? Did you say everything that came to mind? You have a whole list of “coulda, woulda, shouda’s” somewhere in the back of your mind that keep turning over and over again. As much as we hate regret, it serves an extremely useful purpose. It provides us with the opportunity to grow and change. Instead of seeing all those things you feel you could have done better as negatives, make decisions, concrete decisions, on how you can work to improve how you function in a relationship. That way, when you enter into your next one, and I promise you will, maybe you won’t make all of the same mistakes. Life is a learning experience, no one gets it 100% right 100% of the time- and think about how dull it would be if they did. What matters is not whether you make mistakes, but what you do once you have.

10) Get Back Out There!
I’m not suggesting you do it right away. You need time to heal and grow before you put yourself back in the scene. However, the last thing you want to do is give up on the possibility of love. There is a world of possibility out there, when you are ready for it. By the way, when I say ready, I don’t mean 100% ready, because no one ever is 100% ready. Only you can know that threshold you need to cross before you can consider trying things out again. However, when you get there, you will find that there is no better cure for a broken heart than the feeling that comes with mending it again. You will encounter bumps along the way. For a detailed catalogue of just how many bumps you may find and ways to deal with them, check out my book, “Outsmart Your Broken Heart. Dating Online and Offline: A New Beginning.” http://amzn.to/1V8F09k
I can promise you, there is no such thing as smooth sailing. However, when the time comes to get out there, you will find the sea is sweet indeed.

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Online Dating Scams: How to Tell If You Are Being Baited

 

It’s easy for some of the smartest people to lose all sight of common sense when they're being reeled in by a catfish: an online imposter who tries to win your sympathy — and your love — by creating an elaborate scheme. Award-winning technology reporter Kurt Knutsson, known around the country as Kurt the CyberGuy, shares his top ten reality checks to see if you’re being baited by a catfish. 

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

If you identify with at least two of the below scenarios, Knutsson says you could be falling prey to a scam artist.

1. Dumb Date Data
Physical descriptions need to be proportional. For example, someone who is 6-feet tall usually does not weigh 90 lbs. Look for any other descriptions that don’t add up to the profile photo.

Tip: Ask them to take a photo holding a unique phrase or their own name on it and send it to you. Ask to have a live video talk using Skype or Facetime. Most of today’s smartphones, tablets and laptops come equipped with a built-in camera and/or video. Someone reluctant to speak on live video, claiming shyness or that they can’t find a camera, should be a red flag.

2. Profile Picture Test
Professional photos are a red flag. Look for amateur photos — and more than one. Tip: Use a Google Goggles search on your phone to see if the photo they’ve shared with you can be spotted elsewhere online. If you see it shown with a watermark or in other settings like modeling websites, it’s likely a fake.

3. Become a Photo Detective
“This just takes it to the next level,” Knutsson says. Look for detail in photos — wedding rings, locations, activities, time of day, how they are dressed — to see if it matches. Someone claiming that a photo is from a July 4th fireworks party, who is dressed in a fur coat, in daylight, might be a dead giveaway that someone is lying.

4. Cut and Paste Profile Alert
Introductory letters on dating websites are often copied by catfish scammers. See if the same information appears in other places or has been copied from someone else by searching for it online. Out-of-country scams often slip up here, revealing inconsistent information such as landmarks and cultural events that don’t add up. For example, someone claiming to be from St. Louis who isn’t familiar with the iconic Gateway Arch when questioned is likely a liar.

5. Spelling and Grammar Fail
Hear the words when you read their writing, and check their spelling and grammar. A line that sounds like it could be from someone in a far-off country but portraying themselves to be in your same city will usually have a local dialect misfire.
6. Derailing You from the Dating Site
Red flags should be raised if, right off the bat, they want to get you to instant message or email, taking you off of the dating site where you originally met.

Tip: Always create and use a unique email address that is different than your personal and professional addresses when setting up a dating website profile.

7. Too Serious, Too Soon
Watch out for someone rushing things. A catfish usually makes the first move, often out of left field and sometimes creates a bogus, dreamy profile that sounds like the ideal mate you’ve described in your own dating desires. They play on your sympathy and strike when you are the most vulnerable — caught up in the romance and emotional.

8. Ask a Lot of Questions
Inquire about where they are from, and verify landmarks and spellings of cities online. Blatant errors could mean it’s a scam. Catfishers like to ask you a lot of questions, but seldom let you go deep into their lives, coming up with excuses about why they are reluctant to offer more personal information about themselves. For example, they might say, “I’ve been hurt before by telling too much too soon,” which actually turns the tables on you to prove that you can be trusted — Red flag!

9. You Are Not an ATM Machine
If they ask for money, lock them out of your life. Shut off communication immediately, and close all open doors if you have a hint that it is a sympathy scam. Although most catfishers are not after money, this one should be a wake-up call to a scam.

10. Facebook Fakers
At this point, if someone has no Facebook page, but they are sophisticated enough to create an online dating profile, be warned. Also look out for potential fake Facebook pages.

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Signs of a fake Facebook profile can include the fact that the Facebook page was started near the same time that a dating profile elsewhere was established, if few photos are posted, or if there are no people tagged in their photos to show a connection in a relationship.

If they are on Twitter, read through historic tweets to see if the story they tell matches up to the same the person you are prospectively dating. Like Facebook, Twitter accounts created around the same time as dating profiles should be treated with caution.

Regain Trust After Betrayal

LOVE BEGINS AT 40
 
People all around us love to maintain their relationships in its most healthy manner, and they used to follow various tips and techniques to manage it in a perfect way. There are various factors which play their crucial role in determining the success of any relationship, and one such delicate thing is nothing other than 'trust'. 'Trust' is undoubtedly a magical term in the relationship arena, and even a small fall will lead to huge negative impacts. Staying trustworthy demands some quality, and it should be the right blend of honesty, integrity and justice. But in some unfortunate moments, you and me may violate all the rules, and will behave as if we are infidel and non ethical in all aspects. If your partner comes to know your infidelity, then it will surely break the long time trust which you have build over years. Rebuilding trust after betrayal is undoubtedly difficult, and it will surely make you fall in knees. There are various effective tips you can follow to regain trust in the mind of your partner, and some of the most noted ones are mentioned below. 

Admit your error: This is the first and foremost thing you should do if you want to regain your lost trust. You should admit that infidel action you have committed and don't ever try to downplay your errors. Defending with lame excuses will create more wounds in the minds of your partner, and it will drastically increase the hate element in them. Instead of making excuses for your action, you should boldly accept it, and should give an assurance that it will never ever happen again. 

Show your regret: Sometimes, you will be regretting the action which caused the loss of trust in the minds of your partner. You should try to show this regret, and this will help your partner to know that you are remorseful. If you are keeping everything in your mind, then it will not create any positive impacts, and in some cases, this maintenance of silence will worsen the relationship status. If you remorsful in your action, then the doubt in your partner's mind will be cleared, and in the course of time, he / she will start accepting you for the genuineness you showed. 

Express your helplessness: Your partner is also human, and they too have a mind to understand and realize things. You should tell them frankly about your problems, and in some cases, this will bring wonders. Talk openly even if you have sexual addiction issues. If your partner wants you back on track, then they will surely help you to overcome these issues. You may sometimes require a counseling session or it could even be sexual addiction meetings. 

Give genuine promises: What happened has happened, and it is literally not possible for a human being to retract his deeds. You should tell this openly to your partner, and should assure them that the same error will not happen ever in their lifetime. You should renew all your vows, and should set a mind which is clear and divine in nature. You should show 100% loyalty to your partner, and this will surely create a positive impact in their mind in the long run.
Also, you should be open about your needs to the partner, and if you are in need of wild sexual encounters, then tell her directly, and you may be surprised. She may be also wishing the same experience.

Make some more time for your partner: This is another noted tip which you should strictly follow to regain the lost trust. Sometimes, your partner might be so sensitive, and this mindset will be preventing them to forgive your action. In these times, you should give some time for your partner to cope with the situation. You should try to understand their minds, and should be empathetic towards the pain caused due to your action. Always remember, "Time sometimes heals even the deadly wounds".
All the tips mentioned above are highly effective, and may help you to regain the lost trust and fidelity in a relationship. 

 LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Mature Dating - Perfect Your Online Dating Profile

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Online Dating can be a very rewarding experience, but also at times an extremely daunting one. No matter how confident or professionally successfully you are, signing up to a dating site is a scary prospect. Perhaps one of the biggest worries is how to portray yourself effectively in so few lines?

Your online dating profile can be as important as a photo in attracting perspective dates, but how do you sum yourself up accurately and impressively in so few words? Luckily following these few simple tips can make this process a lot easier for you and make your dating experience a whole lot more successful.

1. Be Positive! It is essential to be positive in your approach to online dating and in how you represent yourself. Negativity is a turn off, so in your profile talk about things you love not hate, and how excited you are to be joining a online dating  service, not how nervous or apprehensive you maybe.
2. Be Unique! There will be thousands of profiles out there; many will be very similar and typical. Make yours stand out from the crowd, don't worry about putting the odd person off, you'll attract much more interest through your individuality and uniqueness.
3. Use Examples – When describing yourself, don't just say that you like films, say what films you like. If you like reading, what books do you like? If you describe yourself as funny, be funny in your online dating profile, don't just claim it.
4. Honesty – There may be a big temptation to embroider the truth or even just make things up. You don't need to, you are interesting and exiting enough as you are. Plus if a relationship does happen then these lies may be hard to cover up and come back to bite you.
5. Photo – Photos are integral to dating websites, despite other temptations you should pick a good, but honest and fairly recent photo of yourself, doing otherwise will just cause complications later. Let the photo show the kind of person you are, if your sporty why not use a picture of you playing a sport?
6. Relax – One of the biggest advantages of online dating sites is that there is little pressure. Unlike meeting face to face you don't need to be quick witted or confident to impress. You can take your time in producing an impressive profile that says everything you want about yourself, you can make your perfect first impression.

LOVE BEGINS AT 40
 
The online dating world is an exciting one, with a lot of opportunities and if you  follow these tips you should be well on the way to many successful dates.

What Deep Rooted Fears Are Keeping You Single?

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

It is very difficult to sit with a group of your friends and hear their stories and experiences that are taking place in their relationships - especially if you’re on your own. It will make you look at your life and wonder just how it is that you’re still single while all of your friends your age are married or at least in serious relationships. You start to feel down, depressed, frustrated and wonder if you’ll ever have what they do.

Have you ever thought that this could be something that you’ve brought on yourself? There are actually fears that can keep you single and you may not even know that you have them. 

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

You may be afraid that you will be single forever. This is something that many single people fear whether they admit it or not. It usually happens when you’ve had a few, or more than a few, unpleasant or seriously awful relationships, especially in a row. Somewhere in the back of your mind you’re thinking that you may NEVER have that just right relationship. This can really worry you if it’s later in your life than you thought you’d be single. Men can tell when a woman is desperate and scared to be on her own. Sensing this can change the way a man feels toward you. So, you see, holding onto this fear that you’ll never meet the Mr. Right may very well push him away when he DOES show up.

Another fear that can keep you single is the fear of losing your man. Most people are on their best behavior when they first meet. However, there are some guys that act creepy right out of the gate by assuming too much about where your relationship is going. They may even start getting possessive and/or controlling. Women that exhibit this same type of behavior with men after only a few dates will scare those men away. So when you start worrying about losing the guy before you ever really connect with him, it can make you act in ways that, while totally uncharacteristic of you, can cause the end of this relationship before it even starts. 

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

One of the top fears that might keep you single forever is that he will turn out to be just like your ex. This is pretty easy to understand. If your last relationship ended badly, you need to take enough time to get emotionally under control again. When you give it enough time, then your next man will get a fair chance without you comparing him to your ex. Breaking the emotional ties to your past, and the fear associated with it, helps you move away from the past without taking any old problems or patterns into the new relationship you’re trying to get off the ground.

Be very honest about whether or not you have these fears. Only by admitting to them can you start getting rid of them.

Ready For the Sexual Side of A New Relationship?

  

LOVE BEGINS AT 40
               
Men and women have to redefine themselves after a relationship ends, and reinvent their lives. If they do it well, it can lead to the most satisfying and successful years they've had. Dating successfully after divorce or a breakup require several steps to recover from the breakup.
Understanding what went wrong in the last relationship, so you don't repeat the pattern.
Identifying the kind of partner you're looking for and developing social networks involving these kinds of people.
Some people never date again or don't do so for a long time. People who wait a long time, or never date are trying to avoid repeating old mistakes and having hurt feelings, loss, disappointment and grief. This is akin to not changing anything in your departed partner's closet, because you don't want to face the pain. A better way to do it is to work through the pain, and learn from it as you go. You can figure out what went wrong, what your mistakes were, and how to correct all that and re-think your idea of relationships. This may require the help of a therapist.

Once you've taken the steps needed to recover from a breakup , finding a new love is simple, because you've changed the odds to be in your favor. But there are a few tips to help you as you start dating again.       LOVE BEGINS AT 40
 
1. Don't have sex right away with your new partner.
Keep in mind that, if you have sex right away, it usually brands the relationship as sex -only and you don't get taken seriously. So, if you want to see if you can manage it, pick someone you're attracted to, but realize there's no relationship there. Also, if you are the type who bonds upon having sex, keep that in mind -- your partner may not be, so make sure there's some bonding there before you try it.

2. Take precautions when you do have sex.
Safer sex, of course. If you're female, don't just worry about pregnancy -- make sure you're informed about disease, as well. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) can be deadly and devastating, so always provide a condom and insist on using it unless you're both tested and in a committed relationship (with someone you can trust).

3. Deal with the awkwardness of sex with a new partner.
I recommend the zen idea of a beginner's mind: Accept that everything you’re doing now is new to you, and open yourself to learning about it. Wide-eyed wonder at whatever happens is very attractive. I’m not talking about being brainless or thoughtless. On the contrary. A beginner’s mind is alert, observing, and open to new ideas. Your objective is to learn — about what people are doing, who they are, what the possibilities are and how it all fits in to your goals.
Everything you’ve learned about relationships and dating in your past is certainly useful, and you’ll draw on it as we go along, but your general approach to this process is as a beginner -- 'I’m new at this, I want to learn.' Because you are a beginner, you can open lots of conversations by simply asking questions about what’s going on.

Keep a Healthy Balance - Do Not Give Away Your Power

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

 One reason your relationships tend to fail is that you start out well enough, but then slowly, without realizing it, you start to give away your power. This process is insidious and before you know it, instead of having a healthy give and take, the relationship has lost its balance. When you give your power away it erodes your self-esteem and you start to feel a sense of unease and resentment. This affects how you show up as half of a couple and can’t help but create tension and dissatisfaction.

Giving up your power never feels good, though it may feel comfortable. It’s a habit you may be repeating without your awareness.
How you’re giving your power away in relationships:

1. You avoid conflict: No one enjoys conflict in a relationship, but all too often a woman will ask me, “How do I confront him with this?” I then ask her why she’s using the word “confront?” Why not consider how you may have an adult discussion about a problem. If you frame it in your mind as a confrontation, of course you’ll want to avoid that. If you think you’re someone who avoids conflicts, you might want to learn some new skills on how to appropriately present your needs.

2. You’re afraid of what others will think: If you find yourself not quite being honest to your friends and family about the state of your relationship, you’re doing yourself a great disservice. You’re at risk of starting to believe your “lies” and not facing the truth about what is hurting you. You may be embarrassed or you may be afraid they’ll be mad at you — so you fake what you’re feeling to avoid their judgment. When you conduct your life worried about what others think, you will never be true to yourself and always feel unfulfilled in love.

3. You compare yourself to others: Comparing yourself to others will only cause you misery and pain. Anytime you look outside yourself for validation you will be disappointed. If you see a loving couple out in public, you might compare by asking yourself, “Maybe he doesn’t love me enough, why doesn’t do that with me?” A better response is to let them inspire you to be more like that yourself. One response adds more love to your life while the other replaces it with a complaints.

 LOVE BEGINS AT 40

4. You diminish yourself to please someone else: As women we are more powerful than we know. Women who feel their power will sometimes be attracted to “weaker” men. At first the imbalance of power feels good but it soon becomes frustrating. But to show your displeasure will make the man feel bad just for being who he is. So you resign yourself and put a barrel over your “light” so you don’t show him up. This happens in many subtle ways, by acquiescing to his needs and feelings and discounting your own.

Giving your power away hurts YOU the most.
Take a good look at how you’re showing up in your relationships. If any of these examples feel like you, do the work you need to stop giving your power away in love and then hopefully find a healthy balance that works for you in your relationships.

Mending a Love Affair

It is always very hard to break up. A break up is one devastating moment that one can ever experience.  The unbearable pain and the harsh emotions that come along with it quantify many times over especially you are still actually very much in love.

All is not lost, indeed, as you can certainly repair your relationship provided that you are aware that all relationships are built on love and faith and honor for each other. These are the things you have to work into your relationship as well.

Here are some of the things that you must and should do in your quest to mend your love affair….

Be honest – with yourself and your partner. Understand why you two broke off the relationships in the first place and be honest about it, especially you were the one who messed things up. Own up to your mistakes and resolve that it will never happen again.

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Accept differences, accept responsibilities - Realize that both of you aren’t perfect people— and both have various faults as well. That’s why both parties should accept each other as they are, with their faults and limitations. Remember, it is probably these differences that made the two of you drifted apart. 

Be practical – Do not expect miracles to happen. You both need to work on the relationships to make it happen. And realise each other’s shortcomings and work from there to strengthen the relationships. Do expect perfection... you’ll never get it.  Think of the things that kicked off your relationship. Be truthful about them. Work at being more loving, faithful, compassionate and caring. Learn to forget and forgive. Mistakes will be done by both of you; you have to realize that.

Communicate – Most couples break up due to lack of communications. Therefore, its pertinent to keep the conversation lines open at all times. You have to be frank with each other when you talk. If there is something haunting you, do make sure to share it with each other. Don’t push anything back—bring it to the fore and discuss it. Any skeletons that you sweep under the already dusty carpet are sure to spring up and haunt you later. It is always better to bring them out when there is still time and talk about it.

However, if talking is simply compounding matters, then it might be a good idea to shut up for a while. Stay away from each other when things get too heated and think about things. When you do that, you aren’t retreating; you are actually behaving like a sensible and respectable person. It also helps because you can clear your mind for a while and get the larger picture in your mind.

Show your feelings - Be grateful for your partner, for what they mean to you, for what they do to you. It is best to live with each other amicably and make the most of the time you have with each other. Support them in everything, and they will reciprocate with their support as well. Share in their joys and sorrows. Praise them on their achievements, whether big or small.

Do things that you like to do together - This is a notable method to save a relationship. A lot of people who have been together for sometime often could not recall why they got together in the first place. Think about the time when you were attracted to your partner the first time. Try to rediscover that attraction.

Some of these methods may seems very petty in order to save your relationship, but they are quite practical and something you could use without worrying about any harm being done.
Get inspired from these simple strategies and you will find how they work for you. With great effort, you will be able to rescue your relationship. When that happens, make sure nothing happens to make it again.

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

How To Use Mature Dating Sites Effectively

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

We all grow with our age; with nearly all of us turn serious and reserved when they reach at the age of forties, fifties and sixties. However, you would find people whose heart remains young and energetic, these just tend to live with their grown up styles. They are also seen expanding their social networks to an intense degree. And the nearly all appropriate place for such people could be the senior dating sites. But when it comes to using these sites, you should know the ways of using them. The below is the list of key instructions to use these websites. 

People coming to these sites just search for people as travel companions, senior activities, activity partner etc. So, before you head to such websites, ensure you simply limit yourself to any competent site, which allows you to use it for free for limited time duration. In this way, it will help you a lot understanding the trustworthiness of these sites with the help of the free services. Once you do so, you could think of upgrading your membership to the premium ones. Once you upgrade yourself at such places, you are additional likely to meet senior friends online.
While using these senior dating sites, make sure you remain polite and guarded while someone contacts you. You should first communicate with this person via the emails simply for a while, and when you do so you know about this person and its nature and after that you can share the contact amount. This exercise is nothing but checking the patience of the person, anyone who seems to be impatient would like to meet the person immediately without actually talking and discussing around him should be avoided for all the known reasons. 

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Protect your identity: While checking the site senior improved make sure you do not just display your address, contact numbers or any other kind of personal information approximately you until and unless you are ready to meet that person. Once you meet genuine people you can go ahead and carry out the dates with each other via online activities including playing games or sharing over a forum or some private chat rooms. Always bear in mind that these senior sites or communities are very much vulnerable to scammers; so superior make sure you remain very cautious to a wide range of profiles which appear fishy. Go for the people who happen to have their pictures over their profile of their current age. It is always suggested to meet over a coffee which doesn't last more than twenty minutes rather than meeting for an hour on a dinner with an enormous charge and thus find a wrong person.

Rebuilding Your Self Esteem After Divorce

When the divorce process begins to move along, you may find that your self-esteem is completely gone. You need to learn how to rebuild your self-esteem so that you can move on successfully after the divorce. Moving on successfully means that you are okay not being married anymore. 

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

It may take months or even years to get there, and it is a lot of work for some. Some people will take it really hard and the shock of the divorce can be devastating. You need to learn how to focus on the positive things and learn how to appreciate what you have. You will feel a lot better about your life when you learn how to think positively. 

You should never beat yourself down. You will want to replace any thoughts where you doubt yourself by stating something that you like about yourself and keep telling yourself that you’re okay and everything will be okay. You should learn to use positive words to describe yourself like smart, beautiful, ambitious, and so on. Your image of yourself will affect your life a lot.
To think positively you need to think things to encourage yourself. You should use self-esteem building activities like talking to yourself in a mirror. Tell your reflection how you feel about yourself in a positive way. You should make encouraging statements and you will actually begin to feel better by doing such things. The first step to rebuilding your esteem after divorce is to let go. You need to place the past in the past and begin to think about ways that you can improve the way you feel about yourself.

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

One way to let go of the past is to get dressed up and go to your favorite restaurant and eat alone. If you can go there by yourself and have dinner, then you know that you will be okay. You know that you can be okay with being alone. However, if you feel extremely uncomfortable, ask yourself why and then tell yourself some encouraging statements so that you can feel better about the situation and accept being single. No one will stare at you, no one will notice you and at the end of the meal you will be much stronger.

You should also let go of any goal of being perfect. This will allow you to adjust and you will lighten up about the entire situation. This is when you should tell yourself that you’re perfectly fine being who you are. If you decide you need to make changes you need to be able to stand on your own. You should decide what you need to do to find yourself again and then reach out. Your level of success and confidence will rise.

How to Move Conversations Beyond the Superficial Level

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Tired of making small talk and want to bring up more personal topics and build more meaningful relationships? Taking conversations beyond the surface level isn’t always easy. It’s comfortable at the surface and often moving deeper entails a bit of risk. But the most rewarding relationships and conversations tend to happen when you move beyond the surface.
How do you take your conversations deeper?

Emotionally Lead First
Any time you want to take a conversation deeper, you’ll usually have to lead first, emotionally.
Let’s say you want to establish more trust with someone. You want them to feel comfortable confiding in you and sharing their secrets with you.
Naturally, you can’t ask them to share their secrets with you if that trust isn’t there yet. So how do you actually get someone to open up?
You do it by opening up first. Take the first step in moving the relationship to the next level by sharing your secrets and granting your trust, first.
When the other person really feels like you trust them and have opened up to them with a deeper part of yourself, they’ll feel comfortable doing the same.
This principle applies to just about any aspect of taking conversations deeper. It applies to trust, vulnerability, realness, respect and so on. Give first, before asking the other person to do the same.

Deliberately Choose Deeper Topics
When you initially start dating, most people have about 10 questions or topics they tend to gravitate back to. Questions like “how is your day?” “how are the kids?”and “what’s new at work?” aren’t bad questions, but they won’t help you move conversations beyond the surface.
Once you start seeing the person on a more regular bases, experiment with trying to move topics to a deeper level by asking more important questions and sharing more impacting stories and facts about yourself.
Ask others about their passions. Share yours. Ask them about their life philosophy, or their 10 year goals. What makes them feel most alive? What are the three most important things they want to do before they die?
Naturally, don’t pile these questions one on top of another. Ask them when it feels natural and when it feels like you already have rapport with one another.
Start conversations at the surface level and naturally work your way to deeper and more meaningful conversations. Start with the “autopilot” questions, then ask slightly more meaningful yet unobtrusive questions. Then when those conversations start to flow naturally, ask even more intimate questions.
Remember also that these kinds of conversations are a two way street. For someone to feel comfortable answering a question like these, you also need to be sharing similarly intimate details about yourself.
There are few things more rewarding than a great conversation and a great friendship. By leading first emotionally and deliberately choosing deeper and more intimate topics, you’ll pave the road to having relationships that are truly fulfilling.

 LOVE BEGINS AT 40

How To Deal With Jealousy In Your Relationship

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Practically everyone whose been in a serious romantic relationship with all of the deliciously intense and passionate feelings that go with it, have at one time or another experienced jealousy, which is really the fear that ---to some degree--- your partner is not being exclusive to you either physically or emotionally. But it’s what you do with your feelings of jealousy that can bring you closer together or ultimately tear your relationship apart. 

Jealousy arising from the thought of your loved one with someone else can trigger many feelings. You may believe your jealousy is an indicator that you care about your partner. In this case, you see it as a sign of strength in your relationship; and perhaps it even elicits romantic feelings. On the other hand, jealousy can trigger feelings of sadness, anxiety, anger or even intense rage. That rage could be directed toward a person perceived as the ‘object of your partner’s affections’, your partner or yourself (in the form of putting yourself down because of your perception of not “measuring up” to that ‘other person’). In addition, jealousy can naturally lead to mistrust, which can wreak havoc in every aspect of your relationship. 

One of the biggest problems with your feelings of jealousy is that they can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. In fact, there’s no guarantee that a relationship will stay intact forever, or that your partner might not fall for someone else; but jealousy can be the catalyst in a chain of events that makes one of these possibilities become a reality.

Handling jealousy requires a look at how much you trust your partner. The fact is that it’s normal for him or her to find others attractive from time to time, just as you do, while understanding that this is not really a threat to the relationship unless acted upon. In other words, mental exclusivity is a very high, perhaps impossible standard. Obsessing about this only leads to needless pain.
Overcoming your jealously also requires you to look inside yourself. If you’re constantly worried by the idea of being compared to others your partner may find attractive, chances are your self-esteem could use a boost. Ask yourself where is the evidence that I am not good enough to withstand the comparison? Is this completely true? One resource for helping you to overcome these types of negative attitudes and beliefs about yourself is my book Stage Climbing: The Shortest Path to Your Highest Potential.

 LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Of course, there are some situations where jealousy is a sign that there is a realistic threat of your partner being involved with others, despite denials. In this case, jealousy is more or less a wake-up call and a signal to you either to have a talk with your partner or seek professional help to overcome what may be a much bigger issue in your relationship.

Only you can decide if your jealous is insecurity, or an indication that something in your relationship needs a closer look. Before jealousy makes your biggest relationship fears a reality, you have the power to make a change, either within yourself or with your partner, to get your relationship back on the right track. And remember, most people have experienced jealousy at one time or another. It’s what you do with it that dictates the outcome!