Distinguish Between Feeling Alone and Feelings of Loneliness - How To Cope

 MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK 
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - SOUTH AFRICA

Perhaps you are recently divorced or separated. Perhaps it has been a long time since you have been in a meaningful relationship. Or perhaps you are stuck in a relationship that doesn't provide you with the emotional intimacy you need. In any case, you are feeling lonely - very much alone, unloved, and unsupported. What can you do?

Here are seven steps you can take to better understand and cope with your feelings of loneliness.

1. Understand the difference between loneliness and solitude.
Spending time alone doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience. Many people, have chosen to completely divorce themselves from all human contact for months, or even years, at a time, and have found satisfaction in the solitude.
The distinction between loneliness and solitude can be described this way:

Language... has created the word "loneliness"
to express the pain of being alone.
And it has created the word "solitude"
to express the glory of being alone.

2. Feelings of loneliness are the sense of missing something. 
It may appear obvious that what is missing is a person - the right person. However, it is helpful to look deeper. It may be that the reality behind the apparent lack of companionship is actually an issue of self-esteem. When you like yourself, and enjoy your own company, you don't feel lonely - you just enjoy the solitude. If you discover that you really don't like yourself very well, you can make more effective progress toward feeling better by addressing your self esteem than by searching for a new companion.

3. If you find that you do like yourself and yet still feel lonely, examine what kind of companionship you are missing.
Are you needing someone to talk with? Are you needing a group to party with? Are you needing physical intimacy? Before you can address the perceived lack, you have to understand the nature of what is missing.

4. Practice enjoying solitude.
Spend time in situations in which being alone feels natural. One of the best ways to enjoy solitude is to go for a long walk in a natural setting - perhaps in the woods or on a deserted section of beach. Leave the music player at home. Keep your schedule open so you can be unhurried. Enjoy the wind, the rustle of leaves or sand under your heel, the calls of the birds.
 
5. Join groups that don't require an emotional commitment. 
Join a reading group or an environmental activism group. Volunteer for a service group like the Red Cross. Enjoy people's company without any expectations. Don't develop expectation of others, and don't give credence to any expectations that others direct toward you.

6. Perhaps your feelings of loneliness are actually symptoms of a spiritual emptiness.
Consider joining a religious or philosophical organization and attending regular meetings.

7. If you discover that your feelings of loneliness are caused by a desire for physical intimacy, be honest with yourself about what you are really feeling. 
Either address your needs responsibly, or use the previous suggestions to distract you from your physical needs.

 MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK 
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How To Make Online Dating Work For You

MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK 
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - SOUTH AFRICA


So you have decided to take the plunge and go for it. Thrown all caution to the wind and jumped on the mature online dating bandwagon? First off, it's not that scary. Loads of people are meeting online now, and with 20% of serious relationships starting online it's probably as good a time as any to go out there and meet someone new.

As with all social interactions there are some obvious and not so obvious rules of engagement. Here are a few to put under your belt to prepare you for the dating scene.

1. Trust your gut
This is going to be your most important ally. Never ever ever do anything that you do not feel comfortable with. We all have different expectations of being wooed, as well as what feels right or wrong with a potential suitor.  You are not everyone's ideal. So don't think everyone will be a fit for you. Don't expect it to fall into place straight away. That way if it does you will be pleasantly surprised.

2. When you join a site there is a natural order of things.
The good guys who will have taken the time to read what your profile says and their initial contact will show this. We all know guys are visual creatures, but if a guy is on a dating site you'd think he'd at least take the time to figure out if you have more than just the physical attraction in common right? The good guys do take the time to read what you bothered to put down.

3. There will be casual sex hunters
You know the ones I mean. Those guys who send you messages out of the blue telling you all the wonderful things they are going to do to your body that will blow you away.
Don't be upset by it. Don't think you put out something weird on your profile that attracted them. Some guys are just driven by their rudder. Plain and simple. There's no point trying to go into lengthy conversations about the equality of the genders or how you hate to be objectified. It will be like white noise to them. As long as they're not sending pictures of their trouser snakes to your inbox I would just ignore their emails. Or politely say I am not interested. And if all else fails, there is always that reliable ‘block sender' option.

4. There will be online boyfriends who never want to meet offline.
The point is the internet offers people the anonymity to be whoever they want to be. Don't take it for granted that everyone who is on the dating site is going to be telling the truth about everything. There will even be people who just want someone to talk to and have no intention of meeting you in person. I personally have no idea what drives these people, maybe low self-esteem, laziness, cruelty, who knows? All I know is that if you meet someone online and they are less than keen to take it offline then you need to ask some very real questions.
Basically, are they real?

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5. Profile pictures
A profile with one picture could either mean he's too lazy to post pics. Or the picture isn't actually him. Think about it. He's been on the site a few months now, and he still has that low resolution selfie with a friend cropped off as his profile picture. Either this guy isn't trying very hard to pull, or he's not who he's pretending to be. What's worse, he's not even trying to ‘sell' himself. Ask him for more pictures, and if they're not forthcoming I would move on.

6. Take things at your pace. Don't let anyone rush you.
Again this goes back almost to our first point. You know why you are on this site, you know it took you a while to make up your mind that you were ready to explore other avenues to meet someone new. But now that you're here don't just jump for the first man out there.  Take your time, consider your options. The good thing is that prior to committing to meeting someone and taking it further you can shop around. We all like to do that don't we? Go into several stores and try out different clothes to see how they fit. This should be no different.

A wise suggestion is to first ‘meet' guys by webcam to get a sense of who they were. Words can be so easily misinterpreted, and you can get a better ‘feel' of the person by having a virtual chat. Both parties could agree that this was just to see whether it is worthwhile going on to have a real date, and could be a thirty minute chat with no expectations. It could save you months of meaningless conversation with guys that are not suitable company.

Internet dating is fun! So take a deep breath,  and go and strut your stuff! Good luck!

For Men Who Fear Emotional Commitment

MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK 
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - SOUTH AFRICA



How many times have you been told by a girlfriend that you were afraid of an emotional commitment? Well if this sounds familiar then you've landed in the right place. Let me tell you why.

What is meant by a fear of "emotional commitment"? Well there are many interpretations of this so I'll mention a few. They center on the following:
1. A fear that you might be losing out on the "fun" the other guys are having by "playing the field".
2. A fear that you might get bored with your partner after some time.
3. A fear that you'll be saddled with responsibilities that go with a relationship and that will make life unpleasant.
4. A fear that you will lose the freedom you currently enjoy to do what you want whenever you want.
5. A fear of becoming emotionally intimate with another person.
6. A fear of exposing your true self to another person.
7. A fear of being rejected by your partner.
8. A fear of not being able to live up to all the responsibilities that a relationship demands.
9. A fear of confronting deep feelings of inadequacy.
10. A fear of having to "grow up" and become a fully functioning adult, and so on.
If you look at the list above you'll see that one word keeps reappearing. That word is not a pretty one is it?

MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK 
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - SOUTH AFRICA

If you recognize what that word does to your self esteem, your self confidence, and your self worth you'll notice, if you're honest with yourself that it is reducing the overall quality of your life.
Now here I'm not advocating that you simply go and jump into any relationship simply to try and make yourself feel better. Rather I suggest that you develop the emotional skills and attributes that will truly prepare you for a successful and fulfilling relationship.
Ultimately only this will make you feel like an adult male who is mature, confident, courageous and of integrity.
Unfortunately most men are not socialized to be aware of their own inner feelings or emotions. The general belief among many men is that emotions are a sign of weakness and are the domain of women.
I beg to differ with that self destructive way of thinking.
Emotional awareness is, in my view, the single most important developmental skill that every individual must cultivate. Men on this planet have been done a grave dis-service because they have not had this privilege.
As a result they have been left crippled, yes crippled, by this unfortunate practice. An inability to feel and discern one's inner emotional landscape has left men feeling terribly inadequate, vulnerable and handicapped
In order to feel better about themselves they have attempted to compensate for this through many destructive and self destructive behaviors most of which manifest as a need for power.
If you look around on this planet you'll see how this need has only contributed to the demise of the planet and everything on it. More so it is also deeply scarring the very men who perpetrate such acts. Sadly many of them are so numb to what they are doing that they cannot feel the consequences and hence cannot stop themselves.
Isn't it time that you as a man took the bull by the horns and stood up for your rights? That is you emotional rights.
Well if you really want to be a man who feels whole and complete then you may wish to visit the web link below to get started on your journey to your true self by requesting a free introductory telephone/Skype coaching consultation today.
Web Site: http://mindresonanceprocess.com

Good Reasons Why You Should Try Online Dating

Online dating has today emerged as one of the most successful and promising means for individuals to find partners of their choice. Today, there are many online dating websites that can help individuals meet and connect with other suitable people on a very personal level. However, there are still a number of people who believe that dating websites are not as useful and long-lasting as traditional dating. This might have been true initially, but today the number of people using online single dating sites has increased tremendously and has resulted in numerous success stories as well.
Almost all the best online websites have a proven track record of helping people connect and enter into successful and fulfilling relationships. Some of the reasons why you must consider online dating websites if you have not found a partner through traditional techniques are as follows:

Online dating takes you out of your comfort zone:
Things like making a profile with your picture and sending a message to a complete stranger, waiting for a reply takes you out of our comfort zone. This in turn will help you grow and enrich your personality. Which picture should I choose? How best will my profile show my life and interests in an engaging manner? How do I contact someone without meaning to sound boring or exaggerated? Similar questions will run through your mind and it may seem that you have to become a bit vulnerable on the online arena before you can find success in the digital dating world.

Online dating websites allows you to meet diverse kinds of people, which is not possible with traditional dating:
The internet has made the world a very small place. It allows people living in not just different cities but in different countries to contact and interact with another. A number of dating websites allow people across states, regions and countries to interact with each other, a possibility that would rarely happen in case of traditional dating. In short, online sites allows you to interact with people who you might never meet in real life. This opens you to new and interesting experiences that you would otherwise have never experienced.

Online dating websites requires less time and effort as compared to traditional dating:
Online dating is relatively simple and does not require you to wait for long periods of time to meet and interact with someone that you like. In traditional dating entering a new relationship may sometimes take months. On the internet, however you can meet a number of new people in a shorter duration of time. Just like when you are going for constant job interviews, you get familiar with the questions and process, you are able to perform and succeed better. So the more people you interact with and go on dates you, you will understand in a better manner what works for you and what does not. For example, with frequent dates you will learn how to carry yourself and act confident so that you can make your dates are more fruitful and memorable. This will also help to increase your overall confidence and enable you interact with others in a much better manner than before.
On the whole,This is an enriching experience as it will help you to learn a lot of things about yourself as well as about others. So even if you do not end up finding someone through it is certainly a worthwhile experience that can help you grow and develop as a person.

MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK

Mature Dating - Having and Maintaining Patience

 Mature dating relationships are all about love and understanding the other person's needs and likes. There is no joy in ending a relation by fighting and painful separation. No one benefits from that. Everyone has an innate desire to be loved and feel special whether it is a guy or a girl. There are some tips which you should keep in mind while pursuing a mature dating relationship in order to ensure that it does not end on a bitter note. There are a lot of examples of relationships ending on a bad note because the couple just did not know what was to be done.

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First and foremost, you should understand the fact that every mature dating relationship needs a lot of patience. There is no one perfect in this world. Everyone has their own set of flaws but that is what makes them special and different from everyone else. Rather than creating a big fuss about every single annoying detail, it is better to give the person some time and make him/her understand the follies.  It understandably takes a lot out of you to forgive every single mistake and annoying attribute but every good thing in life comes with a price. There are a million little things which could result in differences for the two of you. For instance, if there is a wide age gap of more than 5 years, then both the partners might find it difficult to understand each other. The importance lies not in being perfectly compatible but being able to understand each other's needs.

People need to be mature enough to understand that age is not a criteria for forming a mature dating relationship, understanding is. Patience helps in making a lot of difference in this regard. Be patient enough to understand what the other person wants rather than harping on your own needs.  If done imperfectly, this results in lot of anger which has been the bane for many a mature dating relationship. People who might be perfectly compatible for each other often lose out on finding true love in each other if they are unable to comprehend what the other person wants.  The best way to get out of this precarious situation is to discuss your problems with a lot of patience. There are a lot of people who are unable to express their true feelings because of a myriad reasons. Take time to  understand each other and the world will suddenly be a better place to be in.

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Where anger and selfishness breed a hostile environment, patience gives way to love and peace. Patience is the water that puts fires out and when it is coupled with kindness a wonderful arena is set for true, lasting love to spring forth. It is in forgiveness and gentleness that you will find true rest for your souls in your relationship. Mature dating takes sacrifice, time and dedication but it is well worth it because it creates true fulfillment.

Do You have a History of Bad Relationship Patterns?

Bad Relationship Patterns - where we constantly begin relationships that start out full of promise, only for them to end up in disappointment and sadness. If this sounds like you, if you suffer bad relationship patterns, then you will do well to learn to recognize what the problems are. This is the only way to escape from that constant cycle of pain and sadness. When choosing our partners, the whole process appears to go through stages. Firstly, we become aware of someone’s attractiveness, and their exciting personality (or vice versa). What comes next is the discovery that we possess certain interests, principles etc., that are common to us. Then we come to a state of mental arousal, where we begin to “click”, before finally, a more meaningful, psychological attachment develops.

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If you experience bad relationship patterns, then surely you’ll recognize these feelings:
Conflict, Obsession, Feeling of Loss/Loneliness, Physical sensations/reactions, Repetitiveness/Boredom, Vulnerability.

• Conflict: Never mind how you felt about your lover, deep down you always recognized something wasn’t quite ideal about the relationship. You felt feelings of jealously, uncertainness, nervousness or stress because of the relationship you were in.
• Obsession: You believe that it is your own actions or words that drove your partner(s) away, though you remain convinced that you can fix things and turn the object of your passion into the adoring, loving person you desperately desire.
• Feeling of loss: At the end of the relationship, you feel a sense of deep loneliness. Where you once felt a ‘connection’ with your lover, now there is only sadness, regardless of how painful or stressful that relationship turned out.
• Physical sensations: Something your lover says or does, results in a familiar physical sensation that is deeply uncomfortable, for instance, a headache or a knot in your stomach.
• Repetitiveness: Lots of your relationships started full of promise and hope, only to spectacularly fail later . Even though the people involved are not the same, the ending always turns out badly.
• Vulnerability: You have a long-standing vulnerability; you are very conscious of your own ego and as a result are always looking to ‘prove yourself’ to your lover.

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 If you experience one or more of the symptoms detailed above, and you find it difficult to forge long-lasting relationships, then you could have an issue with bad relationship patterns. So what can you do about this? Simple – you need to discover your own psychological needs are. By discovering yourself, you will identify the forces at work that shove you into the clutches of undesirable partners. Once this is understood, you will actually be able to avoid bad relationship patterns and into a more rewarding, loving relationship that you seek.

Tips For Online Dating After Divorce

You have been divorced for a while and you are ready to start dating again. Your family and friends are recommending online dating. You are not sure. You are nervous enough about dating, but online dating seems dangerous to you. That makes it important to get some tips for online dating before you start this process.

Individuals that are dating online find it best to use an online dating service. It is thought to be safer, but you should still be cautious. Don't jump into meeting someone you don't know. Many recommend when the time does arrive to meet someone you connected to online, that you go with a group or at least let someone know your plans. It is better to be safe than sorry. Most online dating services provide background checks as an added precaution to keep their clients safe. When working with an online dating service you will indicate your likes from hobbies to personality traits. These will all be collected to match you with like mind individuals also on the service. Even religious beliefs and physical traits are considered.

Really screen your potential dates and take your time. You will usually get several choices of individuals to contact. You can choose to contact them all, contact a few or only one. You should review their profiles to help you decide to contact them or not. Sometimes you'll get personal messages. It just depends on how the service is set up. Many that have been online dating suggest contacting a few matches at the same time. You can e-mail or chat back and forth to get to know them. It will help you ease into dating again and it will help you decide if you want to get to know any of them better. If you have been talking with someone online it is best etiquette to end it online if you are interested in no longer keeping up the relationship. It is better to do it early than linger on and end on a bitter note.

Allow yourself a second chance at finding someone special, but really get to know them. Consider deeply what you want and give them a chance. Still when you know it won't work then move on to someone new. Part of online dating at some point is talking on the phone as well. It is a way to get to know each other a little better and feeling more confident before meeting. Just be careful and sensible about where you arrange the first meeting.