Wednesday, 30 October 2013

How Mature Dating is Different

Definition of 'mature' in online dating.
It is slightly different from 'senior' which has more of an age implication, though the two terms
usually apply together. We don't in general mean people who are looking for a partner much older
than themselves (this is relatively unusual and a specialised dating area).
By 'mature' we mean people who have reached a stage in life (which may not be age related ie
senior) when they have experienced one or maybe more serious long term relationships - they
probably have children, and very probably a divorce (or two, even more) in their history. They have
worked for a living and learned the lessons of the workplace - indeed their career might still be
continuing or even ended. They are looking for a partner who is round about the same age or of
the same generation and they have a fairly well developed idea of the kind of person they are
seeking - their attributes, habits and interests - eg fun loving guy, must be able to laugh at himself,
solvent with a full head of hair, likes eating out and hiking.
They are probably over 35 in age, maybe a lot older, but remember that there are people who can
be mature (using our definition) even in their mid twenties. Hence not 'senior' but 'mature'.
So, mature people have a collection of 'baggage' - lessons learned, good and bad memories,
probably family and community relationships, networks and responsibilities.
Compare this with people who are younger and still looking for the 'right' person first time around.
Their career might not yet be established, and with social and community networks being less
developed they are more flexible about moving home and less 'set in their ways'. They probably
have less specific ideas about what they are looking for in a partner. Conversely, mature people
may attach less importance to things such as wealth, perhaps having formed the opinion that
money doesn't buy happiness.
How does mature dating differ?
Usually, mature people engaging in the online dating process have relationships which have
ended (many would say failed),often with pain attached. Any pain will have instilled caution and a
natural desire to avoid similar situations again. Pain might originate from, for example, infidelity,
addictions of one sort or another (drugs including alcohol, gambling, sexual addiction even
addiction to sports), unpleasant personal habits, lack of shared interests. Quite often there will also
be a desire to avoid people who remind them of a former partner.
Also, we have the simple fact that getting to know someone really well takes time - there is so
much more personal history to exchange between 'matures'. It can be quite wearing meeting a
new person every week, and listening to their painful divorce history and about their family issues
takes energy. Taking that forward further, we come to the point where two family networks are
being melded - that is a lot to absorb and manage.
Further, as we said earlier, mature people tend to be older and see life as more finite and probably
'passing by' more quickly. Therefore there can be a pressure to 'get on with it'. This is in conflict
with the caution bred out of historical pain which may exist.
Some mature people may have a sense that they have already experienced the 'real love of their
life' and this could get in the way of a successful new relationship because of the high standard by
which it is being measured (ie their 'real love of their life').
Finally, there is availability of time. With family and social networks on both sides, it can be
challenging for some to find time for the dating process and developing a new relationship. This
can be extremely frustrating for some people, and if you are serious about finding a new partner
then you will have to set aside serious amounts of free time and be flexible about it. This means
that someone starting out on the mature online dating process may have to reconsider their
priorities in other areas.
After all, showing flexibility is about demonstrating a positive attitude to a potential partner for the
rest of one's life, and of the importance of that desire to find a partner.

Monday, 21 October 2013

Learn To Have Patience When You Start Dating

Everyone wants a healthy and successful relationship. No one wants to experience the pain and
hurt of a relationship that ends in fighting, pain and eventual separation. Mature relationships are
what all of our hearts are looking for. We all want to love freely and be loved by others. We want to
be treated correctly, we want to be respected and cherished. Millions of relationships end in
separation every year, not because they just didn't work out but because there wasn't the proper
knowledge and education of what it takes for mature dating.
One of the first foundational attributes to a mature relationship is learning patience. Anything in life
that is worth a lot, costs a lot. Many times we want the end result of happiness and satisfaction
without taking the time to pay the price of sacrifice and effort. Every successful relationship starts
with patience. Patience allows your partner to be human and not feel guilty or less than. When
give the other person to mess up, mistreat you and not always be 100% selfless, you are sowing
patience so that when you mess things up, patience is what you'll receive from them.
One of the opposing attributes that has broken up many relationships is anger. Anger is the
opposite of learning the discipline of patience. We typically exert anger when we feel like we want
or deserve something and someone is standing in the way of us getting or attaining it. Most of the
time these feelings begin in a place of selfishness where anger rears its ugly head.
Mature dating relationships are able to bread peace in the midst of an argument or disagreement.
Peace comes from patience. Instead of retaliated right away, be patient and listen. Be willing to
take the brunt of something for your partner, be willing to let them be wrong without you feeling like
you have to defend yourself or correct them. You'll see the magic patience can have on a heated
argument. Someone has to be the better one or else the argument can turn into a fight and lead to
a lot of pain and regret. When you practice patience it's like you placing water on the fire.
With out the practice of patience your relationship can become a ware very fast. Anger will foster
more anger which fosters wrongful and hurtful words and actions that can have a long effect.
Patience breads peace, love and respect that will foster a healthy environment for the relationship
to mature and grow in true love.
Mature dating takes time and effort. It requires both parties to lay down their lives for the other
person. It requires room for fault and patience to hold your tongue. True love requires time and
willingness to be wrong at times. If you're looking for a mature dating relationship the place to
begin is with your own heart and actions. Patience isn't something that comes naturally to us, it
something that must be developed and put into practice. In the end you'll see how much peace
and love patience will produce.