Saturday, 20 June 2015

Rebuilding Your Self Esteem After Divorce

When the divorce process begins to move along, you may find that your self-esteem is completely gone. You need to learn how to rebuild your self-esteem so that you can move on successfully after the divorce. Moving on successfully means that you are okay not being married anymore


It may take months or even years to get there, and it is a lot of work for some. Some people will take it really hard and the shock of the divorce can be devastating. You need to learn how to focus on the positive things and learn how to appreciate what you have. You will feel a lot better about your life when you learn how to think positively. 

You should never beat yourself down. You will want to replace any thoughts where you doubt yourself by stating something that you like about yourself and keep telling yourself that you’re okay and everything will be okay. You should learn to use positive words to describe yourself like smart, beautiful, ambitious, and so on. Your image of yourself will affect your life a lot.
To think positively you need to think things to encourage yourself. You should use self-esteem building activities like talking to yourself in a mirror. Tell your reflection how you feel about yourself in a positive way. You should make encouraging statements and you will actually begin to feel better by doing such things. The first step to rebuilding your esteem after divorce is to let go. You need to place the past in the past and begin to think about ways that you can improve the way you feel about yourself.


One way to let go of the past is to get dressed up and go to your favorite restaurant and eat alone. If you can go there by yourself and have dinner, then you know that you will be okay. You know that you can be okay with being alone. However, if you feel extremely uncomfortable, ask yourself why and then tell yourself some encouraging statements so that you can feel better about the situation and accept being single. No one will stare at you, no one will notice you and at the end of the meal you will be much stronger.

You should also let go of any goal of being perfect. This will allow you to adjust and you will lighten up about the entire situation. This is when you should tell yourself that you’re perfectly fine being who you are. If you decide you need to make changes you need to be able to stand on your own. You should decide what you need to do to find yourself again and then reach out. Your level of success and confidence will rise.

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

How to Move Conversations Beyond the Superficial Level

Tired of making small talk and want to bring up more personal topics and build more meaningful relationships? Taking conversations beyond the surface level isn’t always easy. It’s comfortable at the surface and often moving deeper entails a bit of risk. But the most rewarding relationships and conversations tend to happen when you move beyond the surface.
How do you take your conversations deeper?

Emotionally Lead First
Any time you want to take a conversation deeper, you’ll usually have to lead first, emotionally.
Let’s say you want to establish more trust with someone. You want them to feel comfortable confiding in you and sharing their secrets with you.
Naturally, you can’t ask them to share their secrets with you if that trust isn’t there yet. So how do you actually get someone to open up?
You do it by opening up first. Take the first step in moving the relationship to the next level by sharing your secrets and granting your trust, first.
When the other person really feels like you trust them and have opened up to them with a deeper part of yourself, they’ll feel comfortable doing the same.
This principle applies to just about any aspect of taking conversations deeper. It applies to trust, vulnerability, realness, respect and so on. Give first, before asking the other person to do the same.

Deliberately Choose Deeper Topics
When you initially start dating, most people have about 10 questions or topics they tend to gravitate back to. Questions like “how is your day?” “how are the kids?”and “what’s new at work?” aren’t bad questions, but they won’t help you move conversations beyond the surface.
Once you start seeing the person on a more regular bases, experiment with trying to move topics to a deeper level by asking more important questions and sharing more impacting stories and facts about yourself.
Ask others about their passions. Share yours. Ask them about their life philosophy, or their 10 year goals. What makes them feel most alive? What are the three most important things they want to do before they die?
Naturally, don’t pile these questions one on top of another. Ask them when it feels natural and when it feels like you already have rapport with one another.
Start conversations at the surface level and naturally work your way to deeper and more meaningful conversations. Start with the “autopilot” questions, then ask slightly more meaningful yet unobtrusive questions. Then when those conversations start to flow naturally, ask even more intimate questions.
Remember also that these kinds of conversations are a two way street. For someone to feel comfortable answering a question like these, you also need to be sharing similarly intimate details about yourself.
There are few things more rewarding than a great conversation and a great friendship. By leading first emotionally and deliberately choosing deeper and more intimate topics, you’ll pave the road to having relationships that are truly fulfilling.