How To Deal With Jealousy In Your Relationship

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Practically everyone whose been in a serious romantic relationship with all of the deliciously intense and passionate feelings that go with it, have at one time or another experienced jealousy, which is really the fear that ---to some degree--- your partner is not being exclusive to you either physically or emotionally. But it’s what you do with your feelings of jealousy that can bring you closer together or ultimately tear your relationship apart. 

Jealousy arising from the thought of your loved one with someone else can trigger many feelings. You may believe your jealousy is an indicator that you care about your partner. In this case, you see it as a sign of strength in your relationship; and perhaps it even elicits romantic feelings. On the other hand, jealousy can trigger feelings of sadness, anxiety, anger or even intense rage. That rage could be directed toward a person perceived as the ‘object of your partner’s affections’, your partner or yourself (in the form of putting yourself down because of your perception of not “measuring up” to that ‘other person’). In addition, jealousy can naturally lead to mistrust, which can wreak havoc in every aspect of your relationship. 

One of the biggest problems with your feelings of jealousy is that they can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. In fact, there’s no guarantee that a relationship will stay intact forever, or that your partner might not fall for someone else; but jealousy can be the catalyst in a chain of events that makes one of these possibilities become a reality.

Handling jealousy requires a look at how much you trust your partner. The fact is that it’s normal for him or her to find others attractive from time to time, just as you do, while understanding that this is not really a threat to the relationship unless acted upon. In other words, mental exclusivity is a very high, perhaps impossible standard. Obsessing about this only leads to needless pain.
Overcoming your jealously also requires you to look inside yourself. If you’re constantly worried by the idea of being compared to others your partner may find attractive, chances are your self-esteem could use a boost. Ask yourself where is the evidence that I am not good enough to withstand the comparison? Is this completely true? One resource for helping you to overcome these types of negative attitudes and beliefs about yourself is my book Stage Climbing: The Shortest Path to Your Highest Potential.

 LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Of course, there are some situations where jealousy is a sign that there is a realistic threat of your partner being involved with others, despite denials. In this case, jealousy is more or less a wake-up call and a signal to you either to have a talk with your partner or seek professional help to overcome what may be a much bigger issue in your relationship.

Only you can decide if your jealous is insecurity, or an indication that something in your relationship needs a closer look. Before jealousy makes your biggest relationship fears a reality, you have the power to make a change, either within yourself or with your partner, to get your relationship back on the right track. And remember, most people have experienced jealousy at one time or another. It’s what you do with it that dictates the outcome!

Women over 40 - 3 “Hot” Dating Tips for Building Your Dating Confidence

LOVE BEGINS AT 40
If you’re dating again for the first time in a long time, you could probably use some confidence builders in the form of what I like to call ‘Dating Updating’.
More than likely it’s probably been a while since you’ve done something different with the way you look so a few changes can take you from feeling like a suburban married housewife to a chic, confident and pretty spectacular woman who’s ready to date. See it as a fun investment in yourself as you begin this next chapter in your life!

#1- It All Begins with A New Look
Ask your daughter or a trusted friend for advice on what about your look no longer works for you. Over time, we all have a tendency to do the same styles over and over again. Just think of how many blouses are the same color and style in your closet right now?
Next take a good look in the mirror. Are you happy with the way your hair looks? Is it flattering to the shape of your face? It’s a wise idea to leave trendy styles like severe wedges or spikes to the younger crowd.
These days, we all have grey that needs covering. Does your color enhance your skin tone or does it fade you? Dark hair can make women our age look a bit ghoulish, which is probably why Mother Nature doesn’t give us black hair once we’ve hit 40 plus...

#2 - Add a New Touch of Color to Your Palette
Great Makeup can make you feel like you’re on top of the world. Trained makeup artists at your favorite department store will show you the latest trends for looking great both day and night. Plus, you can replicate the results easily with less expensive makeup purchased elsewhere if you want.
You’re making a lot of changes and change can be hard. I know just trying a new lipstick color can be scary. Be sure to give yourself some time to embrace your new look. Fortunately, hair grows back fairly quickly and makeup can be changed if you aren’t happy with it.

#3- A New Excuse for Shopping
Head to your favorite stores to buy fun dating clothes that are flattering to your shape. If you’re not a shopper, find a Personal Shopper at many of the larger Department Stores to help you out. The store-not you pay them to help you shop.
What’s so great is a personal shopper will coach you into exploring many new and flattering styles you might not have tried on your own. Clothing is an easy and quick fix for feeling good about yourself especially when you wear an outfit that makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. 

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It’s worth investing in a few good pieces so when you have a date instead of rummaging through your closet at the last minute feeling totally frustrated with finding nothing to wear, you’ll have pieces to mix and match without having to give it much thought.
By applying these 3 easy steps, you are going to look great! Looking great makes you feel great about yourself and when you feel great, you’re going to feel more confident as you venture into the dating world ready to meet the “Quality Man” you want in your life.

Recovering From Infidelity

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Recovering from infidelity is never going to be easy. Whenever a violation of trust has occurred there is always caution on the part of the victim.
This is completely understandable. There is no definitive way to overcome infidelity, but there are lots of possible solutions. The first decision is whether the couple are going to remain together or not after the infidelity.
Either way, the victim will take a long time to heal. Should the couple decide to stay together, there are many different sources of help: counselling, e-books, books, and more recently hypnosis CD's.
 
 Some people have found benefit from utilising Neuro Linguistic Programming, and also Emotional Freedom Techniques. Whatever method, or possibly several, there will be considerable work to be done in recovering from infidelity.
Trust is based on belief, and one's beliefs are the bedrock of how we move throughout our lives. Some beliefs are much stronger and important than others. Obviously, in the case of romantic attachments, one believes (usually) that one's partner is completely honest, and trustworthy. Coupled with that, is the belief that their partner is completely faithful. These fundamental beliefs are often the foundation of a relationship, and consequently carry powerful emotional attachments.
 
Just as one set of beliefs are smashed, another set of powerful beliefs replace them. These beliefs are now the complete opposite of trust. Almost everything is viewed with suspicion, and as the impact of the event sinks in, the anger begins to unfold.
Anger is usually high on the scale of emotions when you are recovering from infidelity, alongside humiliation, anxiety, depression, and confusion, and these are the emotions that will need to be assuaged.
As you are recovering from infidelity it may seem that there is very little improvement because the changes are small and almost undetectable. However, with the right guidance and with determined effort and support it is possible to start recovering from infidelity.  None the less, it will be a process that may well take considerable time. Recovering from infidelity is much like recovering from a bereavement.
 
Usually, when a couple decide to stay together they take decisive steps to change what had brought about the betrayal. This usually involves a process of absolute honesty in stating what the needs of each partner are. Once the needs of each partner are known, the process of recovering from infidelity may begin.

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Conversely, if the couple decide to break up, there is still much work needed to recover from the impact of the event. In some cases it may still be necessary to see a counsellor or use some of the other aids available, and would probably be wise to do so.
It can take a long time recovering from post traumatic shock, and it should never be treated lightly. If the issues aren't worked through carefully then it may impact upon a person for more years than necessary, and indeed some people never recover at all it they don't seek some kind of help.

What Makes A Person Likeable and Comfortable To Be With?

 LOVE BEGINS AT 40

If you want to have success in this world, then your ability to make yourself likeable will play an essential role. Find out what makes a person likeable and you will access a very important resource for your personal or professional success.
The truth is there are lots of things that can potentially make a person likeable. Various people have various tastes regarding other people, so there is a lot of leeway here.
But if you take a closer look, you will discover that there are certain key traits that stand out. These traits make a person likeable above all other traits, to most other people. 

1. Being Positive
The people who are most likeable exude positive energy. They are happy, content and optimistic most of the time, and this feeling is contagious. When others interact with them or they’re simply around them, this positive feeling gets passed on.
Basically, because they are positive, they make others be positive. And since this is such a precious thing, it makes them very endearing as individuals. The power of being positive cannot be understated. 

2. Being Confident
Confidence is another trait that’s very appealing. When we perceive that a person is confident, we automatically tend to like them or admire them more, or become attracted to them if they’re a member of the opposite sex.
In a way, confidence suggests that you’re a capable person and you know this. So when you convey confidence, you convey these positive messages. 

3. Liking People
We tend to like in turn the people who like us first. So it’s no coincidence that some of the most likeable people are appreciative of others. They’re confident, but not in a cold, arrogant way, rather in a friendly, humble way. You’ll often hear others describing them as a pleasant person, or a sociable person; these are typically different way to convey that this person likes them and treats them well. It makes them feel appreciated and they appreciate in turn. 

4. Being Fun
Likeable people are fun to be around. You may have noticed this. They joke around, they play around, they don’t take things too seriously and they know how to have a good time, as well as help others have a good time.  And since most of us really wanna have more fun and be around people who help us have fun, this is a very endearing trait. Just this quality alone can increase your likability significantly. 

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As you can see, most of these top traits that make a person likeable have to do with your attitude.  Being positive, confident, fun and liking others, these are all attitudes. Indeed, how smart you are, how rich you are, how you dress or how you look influence to a much lesser degree how likeable you are. 

So if you want to be more likeable, focus above all on developing these attitudes. Work on your mindset, improve your image of yourself, others and life, and become a better presence for others to have around. They will like you tenfold more as a result.

Certain Aspects of Mature Dating

There are more and more mature individuals seeking mature dating today with the increasing stress from the workplace and the economy. Most of these mature individuals are working executives who feel the pressure from work and need some way to relax and unwind. One of the more effective ways to relieve stress is through some social interaction.



Effectiveness
It is human nature to interact with one another to find solace and peace of mind when troubled. The mature individuals normally seek their own kind of people for some mature dating. This allows the mature individuals to be able to empathize with each other on most subject matters. Such mature dating is more effective than seeing any shrink.
It always feels good to be able to pour out one’s personal take on work or life with people who are in the same category or age bracket. This allows the mature individuals to support and encourage one another through life; hence, there is mutual benefit in mature dating as one dates the same age group party.

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Expectations
There is less expectation in mature dating as the mature parties usually know what they want in a date. There is an upfront honesty and openness between the dating parties to put the parties at ease when on a mature dating session.
With lesser expectations, there is less pressure on mature daters; this in turn leads to an easy time of conversing and relaxing. Both parties feel at ease and comfortable to share about work, hobbies, similarities, opinions and thoughts. However, mature dating parties tend to be a little more formal and courteous on their first date as both are unsure of each other’s expectations or how the true self will surface during the date.

Program
Mature dating programs are very simple; mature daters want some time together in a private environment where both parties can get to know each other. Most mature dating parties would want to check out each other subtly through some simple conversations before further dates are planned. Mature daters do not need elaborate programs although they can afford fine dining and concerts.
Mature dating programs are meant to help the mature daters discover more about each other before proceeding to another phase of their dating spectrum. In today’s modern society, both parties in mature dating are open to planning the program. There is a greater acceptance to both parties’ suggestion for a mature dating program. There is no coercion to push a preferred mature dating program through with mature daters.

LOVE BEGINS AT 40

Are You Giving Your Partner Enough "Breathing Space" ?

Does your partner have breathing room in your dating relationship?  It is incredibly important for the person you are dating not to feel stifled, and the ability to retain their individuality.  So what is breathing room, anyway? When you and your partner give each other the necessary space to have some alone time, you have breathing room. When you don't pressure your partner to change and allow for differences between the two of you. If you start to lose yourself and begin to change to what your partner expects you to be, you are not functioning in a mature dating relationship and you are doing a disservice to yourself and to your partner.

LOVE BEGINS AT 40
It's not fair for your partner to expect you to change to what he or she wants you to be. If you are involved in that type of a relationship, you should exit it immediately. You are worthy of more respect than your current partner is giving you. True love is unconditional and it means that we accept each other just as we are, imperfections and all.
An example of giving too much space is to allow your partner to have a lot of friends of the opposite sex and your partner starts to spend more time with them than with you. In order to be involved in a mature dating relationship, you need to set some boundaries and speak honestly with your partner about this and how it is making you feel. Possibly your partner has always had a lot of friends of the opposite sex and this seems normal to him or her. However, it is possible that you could start feeling threatened that your partner will start to feel more than platonic feelings for one or more of these friends. If these feelings are valid then you need to express them in a constructive way, while giving him or her some understanding of the background that has caused him or her to have a lot of friends of the opposite sex.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
Does this mean that you should live with the fact that your partner has so much freedom and breathing room that he or she walks all over you? Of course not. You need to find that delicate balance between giving each other breathing room and stating the boundaries that you are willing to live with. For example, if you partner wants to hang out with his or her friends, should you stop this from happening? If you try to stop it, then they will either do it without your blessing or he or she will abide by your wishes and eventually grow bitter with you for not allowing this to happen. Socializing is actually a good thing; it allows you and your partner to experience that precious space that is healthy for your relationship.  It's all about expressing your honest feelings about the issues that affect your relationship and working together to find the balance between space and having boundaries and living within a mature dating relationship.

How To Prepare For A Great Relationship

Love - to love and be loved - is one of the greatest joys of the human life experience. Unfortunately, it can also go very wrong. You could end up abused, neglected, and miserable - or worse.

It's important to make wise choices in your relationships so your experiences with love can bring joy and fulfillment to your life.

Letting your heart rule your head is romantic, but you can keep yourself safe, both emotionally and physically, by making sure your head is at least involved in the decision making. When it comes to romantic partners, spotting any red flags that appear will help you have only healthy, strong relationships.

Another important consideration is your personal desire for a relationship. What, specifically, are you searching for? Are you doing the right things and going to the places that will attract someone who's a good fit for you? Or are you just looking for anyone?

Finding the Right Person Through Understanding Yourself

When you're looking for Mr or Ms Right, there are techniques you can use that will contribute to your success in finding who you're looking for. The first thing you should do is to ensure you're ready for the kind of relationship you're looking for.


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Here are some ways to prepare for a great relationship:

1. Be comfortable with being alone. Are you content with being on your own? Any romantic relationship you enter into should be because you care about that person and yourself. If it's only to avoid being lonely, it's probably not the best choice for you.

2. Know what you want out of life. When looking for a person to share your life with, you want one who shares your goals, dreams, and values. Avoid settling for less because your long-term happiness could be affected - and so could the happiness of your partner.

3. Stay focused on your goals. Giving up your dreams and desires for someone else seldom works well. Seek out a person who encourages you to pursue your dreams. When you've found one, that's someone worth paying attention to!

4. Remember it's not a race. Choosing someone just so you aren't alone is unfair to both of you. The person you're looking for will appear when the time is right. Avoid trying to force it. Your time will come, when you least expect it! As hard as it may be, try to be patient.

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Top 5 Reasons Independence is Important in Your Relationship

Love Begins at 40 - Mature Dating

Living in a close relationship with your special someone is invigorating, exciting and fun.  In reality, a healthy relationship is made up of two mentally strong people. They each lead independent lives and have the desire and ability share their lives as well.

These are a few of the reasons why this balance of separateness and togetherness is important:

1. Independence makes the relationship more intellectually stimulating. If each party brings his or her individual interests to the table, they'll have some fascinating and different subjects to talk about with one another. 

Love Begins at 40 - Mature Dating

2. You can depend on your partner for support when you need it. If each partner is independent, each one is comfortable depending on the other when the going gets tough or when life gets hectic. A relationship is, in essence, a partnership. Knowing you can count on the other person is wonderfully supportive.

• Having confidence that your partner can "be okay" without you while you're at work or otherwise engaged relieves you of having to worry about how your partner will manage in challenging situations.
• Relationships do have an ebb and flow that requires that one partner lean on the other occasionally.

3. Two independent people in a relationship can mean a more balanced relationship. When you're both independent, the relationship is healthier. Nobody is exclusively relegated to a specific role.

• When balance isn't present, one partner might take the role of "the strong one" in the relationship while the other partner is consequently "the weak one." Equilibrium in the relationship means no one partner is more or less powerful than the other.

4. Your relationship becomes stronger. When two independent people make a decision to have a relationship, their time with each other is more special and sacred. Even though a sense of independence is important for each partner, being willing to share with the other what you love to do is a great way to spend quality time together.

• Bringing independence to your relationship promises a deeper, more lasting partnership, since it's built on acceptance of each other as a whole human being.

5. A sense of independence makes you more emotionally secure. This works for and benefits both partners.

• If a partner is emotionally secure, they're not afraid to show their strength and their softer side at the same time.
• Each person's sense of independence can help facilitate more openness and honesty in the partnership. No matter what you say or do, you know that your mate will ultimately be okay, since their independence already shows that they're able to take care of themselves.
• When you come together at the end of the day, maybe one is tired or bored. The other can step in and revive the other or bring some ideas to the table.
• Neither partner will feel threatened by their mate's autonomy and sense of personal strength and emotional security.

Partners in a relationship will enjoy a much deeper, longer lasting connection when they each have a sense of independence. Bringing up different interests for discussion, feeling like you can depend on the other and having a balanced relationship all stem from both parties having their own sense of autonomy.

Do You Have a Fear of Commitment ?

Do you find yourself getting cold feet at some point after starting a new relationship? Do you know why? Do want to know how to free yourself of this limiting and frustrating scenario?

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When it comes to relationships the fear of commitment is a familiar yet poorly understood entity.
Did you know that it can be due to many underlying factors such as:

1. The fear of intimacy.

2. The fear of feeling too dependent on your partner.

3. The fear of being exploited.

4. The fear of being rejected.

5. The fear of re-experiencing old painful feelings of a parental separation, divorce or loss.

6. Feelings of inadequacy.

7. Feelings of shyness.

8. The fear of fully opening yourself up to your own feelings.

9. The fear of being lied to.   And so on....

Did you also know that many individuals believe that such factors actually keep them feeling safe and secure by preventing them from venturing forward into uncharted relationship waters. Is that however true?  For instance, let's look at the fear of rejection as a case in point. When you're caught in this fear do you actually feel safe or secure? Unlikely!
Instead you likely feel very insecure, anxious, vulnerable, and like wanting to run away!  If you see that, then if you wish kindly place one hand over your Heart and simply affirm to your self that you see that.  You may feel strangely more empowered now. If you like that experience then also affirm that to yourself and it and you will only grow stronger.  All of these negative factors actually have the potential to keep you very much alone and feeling unfulfilled, correct? If you see that affirm that to yourself.

So are we all born with these negative factors inside of us? No.
They get programmed into you as you grow up and experience negative events that are subsequently stored inside of you as negative memories. These memories have associated with them the old painful feelings which they generate regularly as long as the memory resides inside you.  The only real way to free yourself of those negative feelings/factors is to erase the memories that generate them.

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Distinguish Between Feeling Alone and Feelings of Loneliness - How To Cope

 MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK 
MATURE DATING OVER 40 - SOUTH AFRICA

Perhaps you are recently divorced or separated. Perhaps it has been a long time since you have been in a meaningful relationship. Or perhaps you are stuck in a relationship that doesn't provide you with the emotional intimacy you need. In any case, you are feeling lonely - very much alone, unloved, and unsupported. What can you do?

Here are seven steps you can take to better understand and cope with your feelings of loneliness.

1. Understand the difference between loneliness and solitude.
Spending time alone doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience. Many people, have chosen to completely divorce themselves from all human contact for months, or even years, at a time, and have found satisfaction in the solitude.
The distinction between loneliness and solitude can be described this way:

Language... has created the word "loneliness"
to express the pain of being alone.
And it has created the word "solitude"
to express the glory of being alone.

2. Feelings of loneliness are the sense of missing something. 
It may appear obvious that what is missing is a person - the right person. However, it is helpful to look deeper. It may be that the reality behind the apparent lack of companionship is actually an issue of self-esteem. When you like yourself, and enjoy your own company, you don't feel lonely - you just enjoy the solitude. If you discover that you really don't like yourself very well, you can make more effective progress toward feeling better by addressing your self esteem than by searching for a new companion.

3. If you find that you do like yourself and yet still feel lonely, examine what kind of companionship you are missing.
Are you needing someone to talk with? Are you needing a group to party with? Are you needing physical intimacy? Before you can address the perceived lack, you have to understand the nature of what is missing.

4. Practice enjoying solitude.
Spend time in situations in which being alone feels natural. One of the best ways to enjoy solitude is to go for a long walk in a natural setting - perhaps in the woods or on a deserted section of beach. Leave the music player at home. Keep your schedule open so you can be unhurried. Enjoy the wind, the rustle of leaves or sand under your heel, the calls of the birds.
 
5. Join groups that don't require an emotional commitment. 
Join a reading group or an environmental activism group. Volunteer for a service group like the Red Cross. Enjoy people's company without any expectations. Don't develop expectation of others, and don't give credence to any expectations that others direct toward you.

6. Perhaps your feelings of loneliness are actually symptoms of a spiritual emptiness.
Consider joining a religious or philosophical organization and attending regular meetings.

7. If you discover that your feelings of loneliness are caused by a desire for physical intimacy, be honest with yourself about what you are really feeling. 
Either address your needs responsibly, or use the previous suggestions to distract you from your physical needs.

 MATURE DATING OVER 40 - UK 
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How To Make Online Dating Work For You

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MATURE DATING OVER 40 - SOUTH AFRICA


So you have decided to take the plunge and go for it. Thrown all caution to the wind and jumped on the mature online dating bandwagon? First off, it's not that scary. Loads of people are meeting online now, and with 20% of serious relationships starting online it's probably as good a time as any to go out there and meet someone new.

As with all social interactions there are some obvious and not so obvious rules of engagement. Here are a few to put under your belt to prepare you for the dating scene.

1. Trust your gut
This is going to be your most important ally. Never ever ever do anything that you do not feel comfortable with. We all have different expectations of being wooed, as well as what feels right or wrong with a potential suitor.  You are not everyone's ideal. So don't think everyone will be a fit for you. Don't expect it to fall into place straight away. That way if it does you will be pleasantly surprised.

2. When you join a site there is a natural order of things.
The good guys who will have taken the time to read what your profile says and their initial contact will show this. We all know guys are visual creatures, but if a guy is on a dating site you'd think he'd at least take the time to figure out if you have more than just the physical attraction in common right? The good guys do take the time to read what you bothered to put down.

3. There will be casual sex hunters
You know the ones I mean. Those guys who send you messages out of the blue telling you all the wonderful things they are going to do to your body that will blow you away.
Don't be upset by it. Don't think you put out something weird on your profile that attracted them. Some guys are just driven by their rudder. Plain and simple. There's no point trying to go into lengthy conversations about the equality of the genders or how you hate to be objectified. It will be like white noise to them. As long as they're not sending pictures of their trouser snakes to your inbox I would just ignore their emails. Or politely say I am not interested. And if all else fails, there is always that reliable ‘block sender' option.

4. There will be online boyfriends who never want to meet offline.
The point is the internet offers people the anonymity to be whoever they want to be. Don't take it for granted that everyone who is on the dating site is going to be telling the truth about everything. There will even be people who just want someone to talk to and have no intention of meeting you in person. I personally have no idea what drives these people, maybe low self-esteem, laziness, cruelty, who knows? All I know is that if you meet someone online and they are less than keen to take it offline then you need to ask some very real questions.
Basically, are they real?

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5. Profile pictures
A profile with one picture could either mean he's too lazy to post pics. Or the picture isn't actually him. Think about it. He's been on the site a few months now, and he still has that low resolution selfie with a friend cropped off as his profile picture. Either this guy isn't trying very hard to pull, or he's not who he's pretending to be. What's worse, he's not even trying to ‘sell' himself. Ask him for more pictures, and if they're not forthcoming I would move on.

6. Take things at your pace. Don't let anyone rush you.
Again this goes back almost to our first point. You know why you are on this site, you know it took you a while to make up your mind that you were ready to explore other avenues to meet someone new. But now that you're here don't just jump for the first man out there.  Take your time, consider your options. The good thing is that prior to committing to meeting someone and taking it further you can shop around. We all like to do that don't we? Go into several stores and try out different clothes to see how they fit. This should be no different.

A wise suggestion is to first ‘meet' guys by webcam to get a sense of who they were. Words can be so easily misinterpreted, and you can get a better ‘feel' of the person by having a virtual chat. Both parties could agree that this was just to see whether it is worthwhile going on to have a real date, and could be a thirty minute chat with no expectations. It could save you months of meaningless conversation with guys that are not suitable company.

Internet dating is fun! So take a deep breath,  and go and strut your stuff! Good luck!

For Men Who Fear Emotional Commitment

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How many times have you been told by a girlfriend that you were afraid of an emotional commitment? Well if this sounds familiar then you've landed in the right place. Let me tell you why.

What is meant by a fear of "emotional commitment"? Well there are many interpretations of this so I'll mention a few. They center on the following:
1. A fear that you might be losing out on the "fun" the other guys are having by "playing the field".
2. A fear that you might get bored with your partner after some time.
3. A fear that you'll be saddled with responsibilities that go with a relationship and that will make life unpleasant.
4. A fear that you will lose the freedom you currently enjoy to do what you want whenever you want.
5. A fear of becoming emotionally intimate with another person.
6. A fear of exposing your true self to another person.
7. A fear of being rejected by your partner.
8. A fear of not being able to live up to all the responsibilities that a relationship demands.
9. A fear of confronting deep feelings of inadequacy.
10. A fear of having to "grow up" and become a fully functioning adult, and so on.
If you look at the list above you'll see that one word keeps reappearing. That word is not a pretty one is it?

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MATURE DATING OVER 40 - SOUTH AFRICA

If you recognize what that word does to your self esteem, your self confidence, and your self worth you'll notice, if you're honest with yourself that it is reducing the overall quality of your life.
Now here I'm not advocating that you simply go and jump into any relationship simply to try and make yourself feel better. Rather I suggest that you develop the emotional skills and attributes that will truly prepare you for a successful and fulfilling relationship.
Ultimately only this will make you feel like an adult male who is mature, confident, courageous and of integrity.
Unfortunately most men are not socialized to be aware of their own inner feelings or emotions. The general belief among many men is that emotions are a sign of weakness and are the domain of women.
I beg to differ with that self destructive way of thinking.
Emotional awareness is, in my view, the single most important developmental skill that every individual must cultivate. Men on this planet have been done a grave dis-service because they have not had this privilege.
As a result they have been left crippled, yes crippled, by this unfortunate practice. An inability to feel and discern one's inner emotional landscape has left men feeling terribly inadequate, vulnerable and handicapped
In order to feel better about themselves they have attempted to compensate for this through many destructive and self destructive behaviors most of which manifest as a need for power.
If you look around on this planet you'll see how this need has only contributed to the demise of the planet and everything on it. More so it is also deeply scarring the very men who perpetrate such acts. Sadly many of them are so numb to what they are doing that they cannot feel the consequences and hence cannot stop themselves.
Isn't it time that you as a man took the bull by the horns and stood up for your rights? That is you emotional rights.
Well if you really want to be a man who feels whole and complete then you may wish to visit the web link below to get started on your journey to your true self by requesting a free introductory telephone/Skype coaching consultation today.
Web Site: http://mindresonanceprocess.com

Good Reasons Why You Should Try Online Dating

Online dating has today emerged as one of the most successful and promising means for individuals to find partners of their choice. Today, there are many online dating websites that can help individuals meet and connect with other suitable people on a very personal level. However, there are still a number of people who believe that dating websites are not as useful and long-lasting as traditional dating. This might have been true initially, but today the number of people using online single dating sites has increased tremendously and has resulted in numerous success stories as well.
Almost all the best online websites have a proven track record of helping people connect and enter into successful and fulfilling relationships. Some of the reasons why you must consider online dating websites if you have not found a partner through traditional techniques are as follows:

Online dating takes you out of your comfort zone:
Things like making a profile with your picture and sending a message to a complete stranger, waiting for a reply takes you out of our comfort zone. This in turn will help you grow and enrich your personality. Which picture should I choose? How best will my profile show my life and interests in an engaging manner? How do I contact someone without meaning to sound boring or exaggerated? Similar questions will run through your mind and it may seem that you have to become a bit vulnerable on the online arena before you can find success in the digital dating world.

Online dating websites allows you to meet diverse kinds of people, which is not possible with traditional dating:
The internet has made the world a very small place. It allows people living in not just different cities but in different countries to contact and interact with another. A number of dating websites allow people across states, regions and countries to interact with each other, a possibility that would rarely happen in case of traditional dating. In short, online sites allows you to interact with people who you might never meet in real life. This opens you to new and interesting experiences that you would otherwise have never experienced.

Online dating websites requires less time and effort as compared to traditional dating:
Online dating is relatively simple and does not require you to wait for long periods of time to meet and interact with someone that you like. In traditional dating entering a new relationship may sometimes take months. On the internet, however you can meet a number of new people in a shorter duration of time. Just like when you are going for constant job interviews, you get familiar with the questions and process, you are able to perform and succeed better. So the more people you interact with and go on dates you, you will understand in a better manner what works for you and what does not. For example, with frequent dates you will learn how to carry yourself and act confident so that you can make your dates are more fruitful and memorable. This will also help to increase your overall confidence and enable you interact with others in a much better manner than before.
On the whole,This is an enriching experience as it will help you to learn a lot of things about yourself as well as about others. So even if you do not end up finding someone through it is certainly a worthwhile experience that can help you grow and develop as a person.

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Mature Dating - Having and Maintaining Patience

 Mature dating relationships are all about love and understanding the other person's needs and likes. There is no joy in ending a relation by fighting and painful separation. No one benefits from that. Everyone has an innate desire to be loved and feel special whether it is a guy or a girl. There are some tips which you should keep in mind while pursuing a mature dating relationship in order to ensure that it does not end on a bitter note. There are a lot of examples of relationships ending on a bad note because the couple just did not know what was to be done.

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First and foremost, you should understand the fact that every mature dating relationship needs a lot of patience. There is no one perfect in this world. Everyone has their own set of flaws but that is what makes them special and different from everyone else. Rather than creating a big fuss about every single annoying detail, it is better to give the person some time and make him/her understand the follies.  It understandably takes a lot out of you to forgive every single mistake and annoying attribute but every good thing in life comes with a price. There are a million little things which could result in differences for the two of you. For instance, if there is a wide age gap of more than 5 years, then both the partners might find it difficult to understand each other. The importance lies not in being perfectly compatible but being able to understand each other's needs.

People need to be mature enough to understand that age is not a criteria for forming a mature dating relationship, understanding is. Patience helps in making a lot of difference in this regard. Be patient enough to understand what the other person wants rather than harping on your own needs.  If done imperfectly, this results in lot of anger which has been the bane for many a mature dating relationship. People who might be perfectly compatible for each other often lose out on finding true love in each other if they are unable to comprehend what the other person wants.  The best way to get out of this precarious situation is to discuss your problems with a lot of patience. There are a lot of people who are unable to express their true feelings because of a myriad reasons. Take time to  understand each other and the world will suddenly be a better place to be in.

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Where anger and selfishness breed a hostile environment, patience gives way to love and peace. Patience is the water that puts fires out and when it is coupled with kindness a wonderful arena is set for true, lasting love to spring forth. It is in forgiveness and gentleness that you will find true rest for your souls in your relationship. Mature dating takes sacrifice, time and dedication but it is well worth it because it creates true fulfillment.

Do You have a History of Bad Relationship Patterns?

Bad Relationship Patterns - where we constantly begin relationships that start out full of promise, only for them to end up in disappointment and sadness. If this sounds like you, if you suffer bad relationship patterns, then you will do well to learn to recognize what the problems are. This is the only way to escape from that constant cycle of pain and sadness. When choosing our partners, the whole process appears to go through stages. Firstly, we become aware of someone’s attractiveness, and their exciting personality (or vice versa). What comes next is the discovery that we possess certain interests, principles etc., that are common to us. Then we come to a state of mental arousal, where we begin to “click”, before finally, a more meaningful, psychological attachment develops.

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If you experience bad relationship patterns, then surely you’ll recognize these feelings:
Conflict, Obsession, Feeling of Loss/Loneliness, Physical sensations/reactions, Repetitiveness/Boredom, Vulnerability.

• Conflict: Never mind how you felt about your lover, deep down you always recognized something wasn’t quite ideal about the relationship. You felt feelings of jealously, uncertainness, nervousness or stress because of the relationship you were in.
• Obsession: You believe that it is your own actions or words that drove your partner(s) away, though you remain convinced that you can fix things and turn the object of your passion into the adoring, loving person you desperately desire.
• Feeling of loss: At the end of the relationship, you feel a sense of deep loneliness. Where you once felt a ‘connection’ with your lover, now there is only sadness, regardless of how painful or stressful that relationship turned out.
• Physical sensations: Something your lover says or does, results in a familiar physical sensation that is deeply uncomfortable, for instance, a headache or a knot in your stomach.
• Repetitiveness: Lots of your relationships started full of promise and hope, only to spectacularly fail later . Even though the people involved are not the same, the ending always turns out badly.
• Vulnerability: You have a long-standing vulnerability; you are very conscious of your own ego and as a result are always looking to ‘prove yourself’ to your lover.

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 If you experience one or more of the symptoms detailed above, and you find it difficult to forge long-lasting relationships, then you could have an issue with bad relationship patterns. So what can you do about this? Simple – you need to discover your own psychological needs are. By discovering yourself, you will identify the forces at work that shove you into the clutches of undesirable partners. Once this is understood, you will actually be able to avoid bad relationship patterns and into a more rewarding, loving relationship that you seek.

Tips For Online Dating After Divorce

You have been divorced for a while and you are ready to start dating again. Your family and friends are recommending online dating. You are not sure. You are nervous enough about dating, but online dating seems dangerous to you. That makes it important to get some tips for online dating before you start this process.

Individuals that are dating online find it best to use an online dating service. It is thought to be safer, but you should still be cautious. Don't jump into meeting someone you don't know. Many recommend when the time does arrive to meet someone you connected to online, that you go with a group or at least let someone know your plans. It is better to be safe than sorry. Most online dating services provide background checks as an added precaution to keep their clients safe. When working with an online dating service you will indicate your likes from hobbies to personality traits. These will all be collected to match you with like mind individuals also on the service. Even religious beliefs and physical traits are considered.

Really screen your potential dates and take your time. You will usually get several choices of individuals to contact. You can choose to contact them all, contact a few or only one. You should review their profiles to help you decide to contact them or not. Sometimes you'll get personal messages. It just depends on how the service is set up. Many that have been online dating suggest contacting a few matches at the same time. You can e-mail or chat back and forth to get to know them. It will help you ease into dating again and it will help you decide if you want to get to know any of them better. If you have been talking with someone online it is best etiquette to end it online if you are interested in no longer keeping up the relationship. It is better to do it early than linger on and end on a bitter note.

Allow yourself a second chance at finding someone special, but really get to know them. Consider deeply what you want and give them a chance. Still when you know it won't work then move on to someone new. Part of online dating at some point is talking on the phone as well. It is a way to get to know each other a little better and feeling more confident before meeting. Just be careful and sensible about where you arrange the first meeting.

Advice For Mature Dating

Many people may see dating as a task that only needs to be done by younger people. They may think that college students or recent grads or new business professionals are the only types of people that make up the dating scene, but this is absolutely wrong. There are also many people who are a part of the mature dating scene.


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The mature dating scene is comprised of many people who have lost a spouse and are now ready to find another companion or for the person who has gotten a divorce and is now looking for someone to spend the rest of their lives with. Whatever the reason there are many individuals that are a part of the mature dating scene. If you are just joining this group of individuals you shouldn't feel ashamed or intimidated at all there are many people that used to be in your same situation. If you were to meet any of these people, you may find that you have a lot in common and maybe even strike an unbreakable connection with them. If you are new to the mature dating scene, you may be wondering where you can go to find other people just like you. Well to start you can try to ask your friends where they are hanging out and maybe venture off to one of those places or you can consider online dating or matchmaking.

Online dating gives you the chance to get your feet wet in the mature dating world without it being so intimidating because you can do everything from your computer in the comfort of your home. You can use online dating to get a feel of what is out there. You can even read up on mature dating advice and find out where to hang out if you are in the mature dating scene. You can create a profile and then see the type of people you attract. If you are interested in any of them there is always the option of responding through email or the chat room to get to know more about them. However you choose to use online dating as you venture into the mature dating world it is sure to give you a head start and a feel for what's to come. When you are ready to move forward a little faster you can then use the services of a matchmaker.
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Points to Consider Before You Date an Older Man or Woman

Is dating older men or women right for you? Have you ever heard the saying that people are like a fine wine; they get better with age? When it comes to dating, many men and women are drawn to the older and more mature opposite sex. Beyond the excitement of partaking in a new experience, dating older men or women has both its own benefits and drawbacks.

Men and women reach maturity at different stages in their lives. Young women may find that an older man is more tender and giving of himself, more apt to dote on her. Young men may discover that they enjoy the independence of an older woman. She is set in many aspects of life and does not need a man to care for her, which takes the pressure off a younger suitor. Older men and women have wisdom that they are able to share and pass on to their younger partner. In many ways, they are able to be more open with intimacy, as the years have allowed them to get past the awkward stages of their sexual youth and feel comfortable in their own skin.

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On the opposite end of the scale, if you think you might want to date an older man or woman, it is important to consider that which is always the biggest concern for people: the age gap. Dating someone ten years or more your senior may be fun in the beginning, but at some point, if the relationship becomes serious enough, you should think about where you will be in five or even ten years. As you continue your relationship, you won't be entering the same life stages together. He or she may already be at a point you haven't even begun to yet consider. If you marry or move in with your older partner, are you prepared to possibly be a caregiver for them if their health fails them?

While these are serious questions and not the kind you might think of when you first begin dating an older man or woman, they are significant; you must be able to answer them if your relationship becomes a serious long term one. Yes, older men and women have much to offer their younger suitors: the experience of life, the security of being one's own person and the willingness to explore and try new things. But be sure you are capable of handling questions concerning age, and be sure you've considered whether the two of you can hold each other's interest in order to make the relationship successful.

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Mature Dating - Take Responsibility For Your Choices

We all have opportunities that present themselves everyday, and we have the chance to choose one direction or another. Once we decide on the specific course of action that we will go down, consequences will occur and our lives will be changed; however, change is good and should be embraced. We can learn from change and hopefully, we will grow in our mature dating relationships.

You have choices in the very initial stages of your dating seeking relationships. You have a choice if you will approach a dating prospect and ask this person out on a date. You have the choice not to approach this person and not take the chance at finding happiness.  You have the choice to accept or reject a dating proposal from a dating prospect. Take responsibility for your choices and realize that you need to own up to the consequences of those choices.

You have the choices that come with the initial dating relationship. Where do you want to go out on a date? What should you wear to the date? What should you talk about on your date? There are so many choices that you need to make just when you are beginning to formulate a relationship with someone. How are you supposed to make the right choices and to take responsibility for those choices?

Making the right choices starts with focusing on what you really want out of life and knowing where
you want to go. If you want to participate in a mature dating relationship, you need to have your own personal immediate, short-term and long-term goals figured out and decided upon before you try to maneuver in the dating seeking world. You need to work on your list of what you are looking for in a dating partner before you begin your search for a partner.  There will be times when your choices don't work out so well for you. You may chose to date someone and after some time in a dating relationship, you realize that this person is not the most compatible match for you and you both decide to end the relationship. It's possible that the break up may not go smoothly and you'll have some tension. You can still coexist in mature dating relationships if you learn how to be mature and deal with conflict resolution effectively for personal growth. You need to learn from your past experience in regard to your dating relationships and move forward to new relationships that will succeed.
You will have choices to make in regard to your partner and how you conduct your relationship. If your partner makes a mistake and does something to hurt or upset you, that is a situation where you will have a choice to make; do you become angry and frustrated and bitter or will you become understanding and acknowledge that no one is perfect and you need to love your partner unconditionally. You can participate in mature dating relationships if you make the right choices that promote emotionally healthy growth and values.

Everything Can Be Ruined By Having Expectations That Are Unrealistically High

When you are fresh out of a relationship which did not last too long for whatever reason, everything seems imperfect and you seem to have lost hope on dating. When you finally start to look for a mature dating relationship, then your constant search for perfection leads to disappointment at all levels.  This is one of the primary reasons why you should never keep your hopes too high for dating.
Nobody is perfect and when you want to search for someone who is perfect, you would be looking for someone who is exactly as you want them to be. There would be an absence of individuality which would affect you in the long run of mature dating relationships. Of course, you should have good expectations and should never settle for someone who you think is second best but the expectations should be intertwined with a tinge of realism. Mature dating relationships are all about finding the right person for yourself and taking decisions which would affect your life in a positive manner. Instead of searching for someone who is perfect, you should make a list of all the qualities which you look for. Perhaps you will meet someone who makes perfect sense of the qualities and is there waiting for you.

The point of making such a list is to review it. This would give you a good idea whether you are being realistic enough in mature dating relationships instead of searching for that mythical perfect person. Having unnaturally high expectations tends to destroy any hopes of finding a soul mate.  This would lead to bitterness and misery which would further harm your state of mind. But once you have a picture of what you are looking for in a person who can make you happy, then start the dating scene with wanton recklessness. Sometimes, the best way to find someone you like is by not searching for them. Obviously they would not be telling you about their character traits by the dozen, you need to figure that out yourself. Who knows who your perfect soul mate is? Maybe it is someone who is half-way around the world or maybe it is someone who you met in the train today or that someone who is sitting beside you.

It is essential in mature dating relationships to remember to treat the other person the way you would want to be treated. We are all imperfect so we won't always fight fair nor do everything in the best interest of others, so we all need grace to mess up. When you offer forgiveness and grace you will in turn receive the same when you need it the most. Keep the other person in your mind and heart and know that as you give from a place of selflessness, you will have a huge return on the investment in the end.

How To Have a Fun and Successful Online Mature Dating Experience

Will it be heart break or love online? Well you might have more say in the outcome of your online mature dating experience then you think. Follow these tips for online dating to increase your responses, success and fun!

Tips for online mature dating:

1. Make your photo fun but not silly. Let's face it, your first contact with someone online will involve your photo so put some effort into selecting the right picture. What do you want to project? Do you want others to think you are fun, lively, sweet? Research shows that a fun picture, for instance you at the park or having fun has more appeal then a stuffy picture of you in work attire or a grainy picture that looks like it was cropped.  Posing with a car or shirt off (for men) could also create the wrong impression! 


2. Add details to your profile. Your profile is the next place people will look and you want your profile to have specific details that show who you are. If you have a dog, what breed is it and what is it's name? What is your favorite hotel at your favorite vacation spot? The more you share the more opportunities others see to communicate with you. A well thought out profile can explode your response rate.


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3. Take a systematic approach. Dating online gives you a unique opportunity to learn about someone before you even meet. Use this time to your advantage, keep track of fun facts about the people you meet as well as inconsistencies between what they say and how they act. Your top priority is fun but you can save yourself a lot of heart break down the road with the right approach to mature dating.

4. Don't get discouraged. You might have to meet a few frogs before you meet your Prince (or Princess) Charming and that's OK; it happens to everyone. Keep the attitude that when one door closes another one opens and you will find what you are looking for when embarking on Mature Dating

Mature Dating - Listen To Your Inner Voice

In order to experience a true mature dating relationship, we need to find that delicate balance between listening to your feelings and following the facts.  So many times we ignore our feelings and don't allow them to influence our decisions because we have been trained to follow the facts and the reality of the situation.


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Generally speaking, women are usually more emotional than men and that is not a bad thing;  women start to hold back their feelings and don't truly express themselves for fear of being called overly emotional. For the men, you need to allow your partner to express her feelings and not to hold her back when she becomes emotional. Being emotional may seem foreign to you as a man, but it is not foreign to women.  Being emotional creatures by nature there is a need to be able to release those emotions, hopefully in a mature and respectful way, and express themselves.
The problem comes into play when women begin to express their emotions in negative ways and this can cause problems in the relationship. One negative expression of emotions is to throw a temper tantrum. Yes, even adults do have tantrums at times. If you don't get your way in a relationship, there comes a time when you may want to scream and yell at your partner and throw a tantrum. However, that is not constructive behavior and does nothing to advance your relationship to the next level as a mature dating couple.

Another negative factor in expressing emotions to utilize those feelings to manipulate your partner toward doing what you want him or her to do. Yes, men can also use their emotions to manipulate the situation. When you start to cry because you know that your partner melts when he sees you cry and will give you what you want, that is manipulation. When you start to cry because you know your partner does not want to hear you whine and will give you what you want, that is also manipulation. When you use your emotions to try to put your partner on a guilt trip, you are wrong and are utilizing manipulation and you are not coexisting in a mature dating relationship.

We need to learn to listen to our feelings and then take the time to evaluate the best, healthy way to express them and then do that, in the proper way. Don't yell because you are mad. Don't get physical and hit someone because you are angry. Having feelings is normal and we need to acknowledge them and use them to further mature in our relationships and as individuals. If we start to ignore our feelings, we will not be true to ourselves and we will be doing more harm than good in our lives for both our partners and ourselves. If we ignore our feelings, we will contain them and one day we may explode in anger or some other negative emotion. Value your feelings and be true to yourself and strive to be mature.

Should You Discuss Your Ex Partner?

Is there a mature dating etiquette to discussing your ex with your current or future partners?
Should you discuss your ex at all??
If you've been in a hurtful or immature dating relationship and you have a great deal of emotional baggage from past relationships, your desire to discuss your exes with your current partner could be very high. However, that desire could also be very low.
If you want to speak about your past relationships it could very well be because you have unresolved issues and you feel compelled to share them with your new partner. Maybe you feel that your partner deserves to know about your past relationships or that if you want your partner to fully understand your current behavior he or she needs to comprehend your past relationship experiences.
If you don't desire to discuss your past relationships with your partner, it could very well be because you were terribly hurt and are vulnerable and feel afraid that you can likewise experience similar pain in this new relationship.
So, if you want to experience a mature dating relationship with your new partner, how should you go about finding that healthy emotional experience? Is it proper to bear all of your emotional scars or to hold back in the emotional vulnerability department and remain quiet and keep the past locked up in the past? In order to be in that mature dating relationship, you need to find that balance between bearing all your skeletons and keeping quiet.
Another important factor is your partner. Do you think your partner is ready to hear about your past relationships and your hurts and emotional scars? If your partner is not ready to hear about that emotional baggage and you feel he or she may turn a deaf ear if you did try to share, then remain quiet on the subject. If you really need to share your past relationships and that need is overwhelming you, then your heart may be telling you something; you should take that chance and share this information with your partner.

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However, and this is a big however, you need to weigh the scales and find the perfect timing in relation to your need to share. If you are going out to a romantic dinner and you're at a restaurant, that may not be the proper time or place to share such a serious discussion. Remember, you do not know how your partner will react to this information and it's not fair to put your partner in such an environment if he or she is not prepared for the discussion. It's best to keep this discussion for a more private place like either of your homes or at a non-crowded park; basically speaking, don't have this discussion in a public place.
If the relationship is new, you also need to hold this information back, especially if you are working
at being involved in a mature dating relationship. Just like you don't discuss your desire to be married when you're out on a first date, you also should not discuss such heavy topics as your past relationship baggage. First of all, you don't even know if you will get further than a first date with this person and before you share such intimate emotional details about your past, you need to be sure that you trust this person one hundred percent. If you are going to be emotionally vulnerable with someone it should be for the sole purpose of bringing you both closer together in your relationship and for lessening your burden of your past by sharing these details with someone you care about. If you don't want to move further in this relationship, don't feel that you need to share these emotional and intimate details. You are your number one priority and you need to protect you emotional, mental and physical health; especially while you are in the dating seeking world.