When a woman has been hurt deeply she sometimes develops a strong, tough, or negative attitude about relationships and trust in general. If she stays single for a long time, she may tend to believe that she can only rely on herself to the exclusion of all others. She can go so far overboard protecting her feelings that she denies a natural feminine instinct to ‘need a man’. She decides that she can take care of herself completely, while rejecting her need for support, male companionship, and even love.
When we examine the primary love needs for a woman, we find that caring, understanding, and respect typically rate the highest. A woman wants to feel special. She is most motivated in love when she is experiencing being cherished.
A man’s primary love needs are acceptance, appreciation, and trust. That is, trust that he can get the job done. Remember, a man defines his sense of self through his ability to achieve results in the world, and this includes in his loving relationships. His primary motivator is making his partner happy by doing for her. He needs to feel needed. As he matures in life, he wants to make a difference in the life of his partner and a family. If the message she is putting out is that that she is strong and doesn’t need anyone or anything, she will not attract the love of a man. This unspoken attitude or these unexpressed words will be loud, clear and powerful. The body language is universal. It is receptive feelings that are naturally attractive to men. He will feel her need, or lack thereof, and be attracted or not. If this woman allows herself to feel her need for love again, she then feels the pain of her unresolved issues.
The bottom line is that she must find some way to address the past, or it will continue to follow her into the present and the future. The more self-sufficient she becomes, the more she needs a hug at the end of the day, but the less she realizes it. Asking for any kind of help, especially emotional help, feels like a weakness for some women. Whether she seeks assistance from a therapist, or from resources like self-help materials, she tends to stay stuck in negativity. She must break the pattern and heal her painful unresolved hurts.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
If women no longer need men to support them financially or to protect them from danger, what do they need a man for? The answer, plain and simple, is emotional support. In order for this woman to move to a healthier position of accepting love into her life, she has inner work to do. Because she has historically found her strength in believing that she doesn’t need anything from anyone (especially a man), she must discover where in childhood her trust was compromised and she did not get her needs met. Her job is to figure out the links to the past, and heal them.