LOVE BEGINS AT 40
One reason your relationships tend to fail is that you start out well
enough, but then slowly, without realizing it, you start to give away
your power. This process is insidious and before you know it, instead of
having a healthy give and take, the relationship has lost its balance.
When you give your power away it erodes your self-esteem
and you start to feel a sense of unease and resentment. This affects
how you show up as half of a couple and can’t help but create tension
Giving up your power never feels good, though it may feel comfortable. It’s a habit you may be repeating without your awareness.
How you’re giving your power away in relationships:
1. You avoid conflict: No one enjoys conflict in a relationship,
but all too often a woman will ask me, “How do I confront him with
this?” I then ask her why she’s using the word “confront?” Why not
consider how you may have an adult discussion about a problem. If you
frame it in your mind as a confrontation, of course you’ll want to avoid
that. If you think you’re someone who avoids conflicts, you might want
to learn some new skills on how to appropriately present your needs.
2. You’re afraid of what others will think: If you find yourself not quite being honest to your friends and family
about the state of your relationship, you’re doing yourself a great
disservice. You’re at risk of starting to believe your “lies” and not
facing the truth about what is hurting you. You may be embarrassed or
you may be afraid they’ll be mad at you — so you fake what you’re
feeling to avoid their judgment. When you conduct your life worried
about what others think, you will never be true to yourself and always
feel unfulfilled in love.
3. You compare yourself to others: Comparing yourself to others
will only cause you misery and pain. Anytime you look outside yourself
for validation you will be disappointed. If you see a loving couple out
in public, you might compare by asking yourself, “Maybe he doesn’t love
me enough, why doesn’t do that with me?” A better response is to let
them inspire you to be more like that yourself. One response adds more
love to your life while the other replaces it with a complaints.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
4. You diminish yourself to please someone else: As women we are
more powerful than we know. Women who feel their power will sometimes be
attracted to “weaker” men. At first the imbalance of power feels good
but it soon becomes frustrating. But to show your displeasure will make
the man feel bad just for being who he is. So you resign yourself and
put a barrel over your “light” so you don’t show him up. This happens in
many subtle ways, by acquiescing to his needs and feelings and
discounting your own.
Giving your power away hurts YOU the most.
Take a good look at how you’re showing up in your relationships. If
any of these examples feel like you, do the work you need to stop giving
your power away in love and then hopefully find a healthy balance that
works for you in your relationships.