When the divorce process begins to move along, you may find that your self-esteem is completely gone. You need to learn how to rebuild your self-esteem so that you can move on successfully after the divorce.
Moving on successfully means that you are okay not being married anymore.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
It may take months or even years to get there, and it is a lot
of work for some. Some people will take it really hard and the shock of
the divorce can be
devastating. You need to learn how to focus on the positive things and
learn how to appreciate what you have. You will feel a lot better about
your life when you learn how to think positively.
You should never beat yourself down. You will want to replace any
thoughts where you doubt yourself by stating something that you like
about yourself and keep telling yourself that you’re okay and everything
will be okay. You should learn to use positive words to describe
yourself like smart, beautiful, ambitious, and so on. Your image of
yourself will affect your life a lot.
To think positively you need to think things to encourage yourself. You should use self-esteem
building activities like talking to yourself in a mirror. Tell your
reflection how you feel about yourself in a positive way. You should
make encouraging statements and you will actually begin to feel better
by doing such things. The first step to rebuilding your esteem after divorce
is to let go. You need to place the past in the past and begin to think
about ways that you can improve the way you feel about yourself.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
One way to let go of the past is to get dressed up and go to your
favorite restaurant and eat alone. If you can go there by yourself and
have dinner, then you know that you will be okay. You know that you can
be okay with being alone. However, if you feel extremely uncomfortable,
ask yourself why and then tell yourself some encouraging statements so
that you can feel better about the situation and accept being single.
No one will stare at you, no one will notice you and at the end of the
meal you will be much stronger.
You should also let go of any goal of being perfect. This will allow
you to adjust and you will lighten up about the entire situation. This
is when you should tell yourself that you’re perfectly fine being who
you are. If you decide you need to make changes you need to be able to
stand on your own. You should decide what you need to do to find yourself again and then reach out. Your level of success and confidence
will rise.
Tired of making small talk and want to bring up more personal topics
and build more meaningful relationships? Taking conversations beyond the
surface level isn’t always easy. It’s comfortable at the surface and
often moving deeper entails a bit of risk. But the most rewarding relationships and conversations tend to happen when you move beyond the
surface.
How do you take your conversations deeper?
Emotionally Lead First
Any time you want to take a conversation deeper, you’ll usually have to lead first, emotionally.
Let’s say you want to establish more trust with someone. You want
them to feel comfortable confiding in you and sharing their secrets with
you.
Naturally, you can’t ask them to share their secrets with you if that
trust isn’t there yet. So how do you actually get someone to open up?
You do it by opening up first. Take the first step in moving the
relationship to the next level by sharing your secrets and granting your
trust, first.
When the other person really feels like you trust them and have
opened up to them with a deeper part of yourself, they’ll feel
comfortable doing the same.
This principle applies to just about any aspect of taking
conversations deeper. It applies to trust, vulnerability, realness, respect and so on. Give first, before asking the other
person to do the same.
Deliberately Choose Deeper Topics
When you initially start dating, most people have about 10 questions or topics they tend to gravitate
back to. Questions like “how is your day?” “how are the kids?”and
“what’s new at work?” aren’t bad questions, but they won’t help you move
conversations beyond the surface.
Once you start seeing the person on a more regular bases, experiment with trying to move topics to a deeper level by asking
more important questions and sharing more impacting stories and facts
about yourself.
Ask others about their passions. Share yours. Ask them about their
life philosophy, or their 10 year goals. What makes them feel most
alive? What are the three most important things they want to do before
they die?
Naturally, don’t pile these questions one on top of another. Ask them
when it feels natural and when it feels like you already have rapport
with one another.
Start conversations at the surface level and naturally work your way
to deeper and more meaningful conversations. Start with the “autopilot”
questions, then ask slightly more meaningful yet unobtrusive questions.
Then when those conversations start to flow naturally, ask even more
intimate questions.
Remember also that these kinds of conversations are a two way street.
For someone to feel comfortable answering a question like these, you
also need to be sharing similarly intimate details about yourself.
There are few things more rewarding than a great conversation and a great friendship.
By leading first emotionally and deliberately choosing deeper and more
intimate topics, you’ll pave the road to having relationships that are
truly fulfilling.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
Practically everyone whose been in a serious romantic relationship
with all of the deliciously intense and passionate feelings that go with
it, have at one time or another experienced jealousy, which is really
the fear that ---to some degree--- your partner is not being exclusive
to you either physically or emotionally. But it’s what you do with your
feelings of jealousy that can bring you closer together or ultimately
tear your relationship apart.
Jealousy arising from the thought of your loved one with someone else
can trigger many feelings. You may believe your jealousy is an
indicator that you care about your partner. In this case, you see it as a
sign of strength in your relationship; and perhaps it even elicits
romantic feelings. On the other hand, jealousy can trigger feelings of
sadness, anxiety,
anger or even intense rage. That rage could be directed toward a person
perceived as the ‘object of your partner’s affections’, your partner or
yourself (in the form of putting yourself down because of your
perception of not “measuring up” to that ‘other person’). In addition,
jealousy can naturally lead to mistrust, which can wreak havoc in every
aspect of your relationship.
One of the biggest problems with your feelings of jealousy is that
they can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. In fact, there’s no
guarantee that a relationship will stay intact forever, or that your
partner might not fall for someone else; but jealousy can be the
catalyst in a chain of events that makes one of these possibilities
become a reality.
Handling jealousy requires a look at how much you trust your partner.
The fact is that it’s normal for him or her to find others attractive
from time to time, just as you do, while understanding that this is not
really a threat to the relationship unless acted upon. In other words,
mental exclusivity is a very high, perhaps impossible standard.
Obsessing about this only leads to needless pain.
Overcoming your jealously also requires you to look inside yourself.
If you’re constantly worried by the idea of being compared to others
your partner may find attractive, chances are your self-esteem
could use a boost. Ask yourself where is the evidence that I am not
good enough to withstand the comparison? Is this completely true? One
resource for helping you to overcome these types of negative attitudes
and beliefs about yourself is my book Stage Climbing: The Shortest Path
to Your Highest Potential.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
Of course, there are some situations where jealousy is a sign that
there is a realistic threat of your partner being involved with others,
despite denials. In this case, jealousy is more or less a wake-up call
and a signal to you either to have a talk with your partner or seek
professional help to overcome what may be a much bigger issue in your
relationship.
Only you can decide if your jealous is insecurity, or an indication
that something in your relationship needs a closer look. Before
jealousy makes your biggest relationship fears a reality, you have the
power to make a change, either within yourself or with your partner, to
get your relationship back on the right track. And remember, most
people have experienced jealousy at one time or another. It’s what you
do with it that dictates the outcome!
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
If you’re dating again for the first time in a long time, you could probably use some confidence builders in the form of what I like to call ‘Dating Updating’.
More than likely it’s probably been a while since you’ve done
something different with the way you look so a few changes can take you
from feeling like a suburban married housewife to a chic, confident and
pretty spectacular woman who’s ready to date. See it as a fun
investment in yourself as you begin this next chapter in your life!
#1- It All Begins with A New Look
Ask your daughter or a trusted friend for advice on what about your
look no longer works for you. Over time, we all have a tendency to do
the same styles over and over again. Just think of how many blouses are
the same color and style in your closet right now?
Next take a good look in the mirror. Are you happy with the way your
hair looks? Is it flattering to the shape of your face? It’s a wise
idea to leave trendy styles like severe wedges or spikes to the younger
crowd.
These days, we all have grey that needs covering. Does your color
enhance your skin tone or does it fade you? Dark hair can make women our
age look a bit ghoulish, which is probably why Mother Nature doesn’t
give us black hair once we’ve hit 40 plus...
#2 - Add a New Touch of Color to Your Palette
Great Makeup can make you feel like you’re on top of the world.
Trained makeup artists at your favorite department store will show you
the latest trends for looking great both day and night. Plus, you can
replicate the results easily with less expensive makeup purchased
elsewhere if you want.
You’re making a lot of changes and change can be hard. I know just
trying a new lipstick color can be scary. Be sure to give yourself some
time to embrace your new look. Fortunately, hair grows back fairly
quickly and makeup can be changed if you aren’t happy with it.
#3- A New Excuse for Shopping
Head to your favorite stores to buy fun dating
clothes that are flattering to your shape. If you’re not a shopper,
find a Personal Shopper at many of the larger Department Stores to help
you out. The store-not you pay them to help you shop.
What’s so great is a personal shopper will coach you into exploring
many new and flattering styles you might not have tried on your own.
Clothing is an easy and quick fix for feeling good about yourself
especially when you wear an outfit that makes you feel like you’re on
top of the world.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
It’s worth investing
in a few good pieces so when you have a date instead of rummaging
through your closet at the last minute feeling totally frustrated with
finding nothing to wear, you’ll have pieces to mix and match without
having to give it much thought.
By applying these 3 easy steps, you are going to look great! Looking
great makes you feel great about yourself and when you feel great,
you’re going to feel more confident as you venture into the dating world ready to meet the “Quality Man” you want in your life.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
Recovering from infidelity is never going to be easy. Whenever a violation of trust has occurred there is always caution on the part of the victim.
This is completely understandable. There is no definitive way to overcome infidelity,
but there are lots of possible solutions. The first decision is
whether the couple are going to remain together or not after the infidelity.
Either way, the victim will take a long time to heal. Should the
couple decide to stay together, there are many different sources of
help: counselling, e-books, books, and more recently hypnosis CD's.
Some people have found benefit from utilising Neuro Linguistic Programming, and also Emotional Freedom Techniques. Whatever method, or possibly several, there will be considerable work to be done in recovering from infidelity.
Trust is based on belief, and one's beliefs are the bedrock of how we
move throughout our lives. Some beliefs are much stronger and
important than others. Obviously, in the case of romantic attachments,
one believes (usually) that one's partner is completely honest, and
trustworthy. Coupled with that, is the belief that their partner is
completely faithful. These fundamental beliefs are often the foundation of
a relationship, and consequently carry powerful emotional attachments.
Just as one set of beliefs are smashed, another set of powerful
beliefs replace them. These beliefs are now the complete opposite of
trust. Almost everything is viewed with suspicion, and as the impact of
the event sinks in, the anger begins to unfold.
Anger is usually high on the scale of emotions when you are recovering from infidelity, alongside humiliation, anxiety, depression, and confusion, and these are the emotions that will need to be assuaged.
As you are recovering from infidelity it may seem that there is very
little improvement because the changes are small and almost
undetectable. However, with the right guidance and with determined
effort and support it is possible to start recovering from infidelity. None the less, it will be a process that may well take considerable
time. Recovering from infidelity is much like recovering from a bereavement.
Usually, when a couple decide to stay together they take decisive
steps to change what had brought about the betrayal. This usually
involves a process of absolute honesty in stating what the needs of each
partner are. Once the needs of each partner are known, the process of
recovering from infidelity may begin.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
Conversely, if the couple decide to break up, there is still much
work needed to recover from the impact of the event. In some cases it
may still be necessary to see a counsellor or use some of the other aids
available, and would probably be wise to do so.
It can take a long time recovering from post traumatic shock, and it
should never be treated lightly. If the issues aren't worked through
carefully then it may impact upon a person for more years than
necessary, and indeed some people never recover at all it they don't
seek some kind of help.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
If you want to have success in this world, then your ability to make
yourself likeable will play an essential role. Find out what makes a
person likeable and you will access a very important resource for your
personal or professional success.
The truth is there are lots of things that can potentially make a
person likeable. Various people have various tastes regarding other
people, so there is a lot of leeway here.
But if you take a closer look, you will discover that there are
certain key traits that stand out. These traits make a person likeable
above all other traits, to most other people.
1. Being Positive
The people who are most likeable exude positive energy. They are
happy, content and optimistic most of the time, and this feeling is
contagious. When others interact with them or they’re simply around
them, this positive feeling gets passed on.
Basically, because they are positive, they make others be positive.
And since this is such a precious thing, it makes them very endearing as
individuals. The power of being positive cannot be understated.
2. Being Confident
Confidence is another trait that’s very appealing. When we perceive
that a person is confident, we automatically tend to like them or admire
them more, or become attracted to them if they’re a member of the
opposite sex.
In a way, confidence suggests that you’re a capable person and
you know this. So when you convey confidence, you convey these positive
messages.
3. Liking People
We tend to like in turn the people who like us first. So it’s no
coincidence that some of the most likeable people are appreciative of
others. They’re confident, but not in a cold, arrogant way, rather in a
friendly, humble way. You’ll often hear others describing them as a pleasant person, or a
sociable person; these are typically different way to convey that this
person likes them and treats them well. It makes them feel appreciated
and they appreciate in turn.
4. Being Fun
Likeable people are fun to be around. You may have noticed this. They
joke around, they play around, they don’t take things too seriously and
they know how to have a good time, as well as help others have a good
time. And since most of us really wanna have more fun and be around people
who help us have fun, this is a very endearing trait. Just this quality
alone can increase your likability significantly.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
As you can see, most of these top traits that make a person likeable have to do with your attitude.
Being positive, confident, fun and liking others, these are all
attitudes. Indeed, how smart you are, how rich you are, how you dress or
how you look influence to a much lesser degree how likeable you are.
So if you want to be more likeable, focus above all on developing
these attitudes. Work on your mindset, improve your image of yourself,
others and life, and become a better presence for others to have around.
They will like you tenfold more as a result.
There are more and more mature individuals seeking mature dating
today with the increasing stress from the workplace and the economy.
Most of these mature individuals are working executives who feel the
pressure from work and need some way to relax and unwind. One of the
more effective ways to relieve stress is through some social
interaction.
Effectiveness
It is human nature to interact with one another to find solace and peace of mind when troubled. The mature individuals normally seek their own kind of people for some mature dating. This allows the mature individuals to be able to empathize with each other on most subject matters. Such mature dating is more effective than seeing any shrink.
It always feels good to be able to pour out one’s personal take on work
or life with people who are in the same category or age bracket. This
allows the mature individuals to support and encourage one another
through life; hence, there is mutual benefit in mature dating as one
dates the same age group party.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
Expectations
There is less expectation in mature dating as the mature parties
usually know what they want in a date. There is an upfront honesty and
openness between the dating parties to put the parties at ease when on a
mature dating session.
With lesser expectations, there is less pressure on mature daters;
this in turn leads to an easy time of conversing and relaxing. Both
parties feel at ease and comfortable to share about work, hobbies,
similarities, opinions and thoughts. However, mature dating parties tend
to be a little more formal and courteous on their first date as both
are unsure of each other’s expectations or how the true self will
surface during the date.
Program
Mature dating programs are very simple; mature daters want some time
together in a private environment where both parties can get to know
each other. Most mature dating parties would want to check out each
other subtly through some simple conversations before further dates are
planned. Mature daters do not need elaborate programs although they can
afford fine dining and concerts.
Mature dating programs are meant to help the mature daters discover
more about each other before proceeding to another phase of their dating
spectrum. In today’s modern society, both parties in mature dating are
open to planning the program. There is a greater acceptance to both
parties’ suggestion for a mature dating program. There is no coercion to
push a preferred mature dating program through with mature daters.
LOVE BEGINS AT 40
